Screenwriting : Thoughts on swearing in loglines. by Adam Brandt

My input is to keep your logline clean. Your logline is a calling card for the eyes. Don't let things loose interest or die there. If you have to ask then don't put swearing in loglines.

My thoughts are similar, but here in 2024, it seems like anything goes!

It likely depends on the producer's interest in raunchy comedies. Every word you use is a signal as well as a tool. Swearwords can signal a lack of robust vocabulary. Check your dictionary and thesaurus to see if a more descriptive word comes up. Unless raunchy comedy is your target, this will help to expand your chances. Look at loglines for Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I agree with Lindbergh E Hollingsworth and Beth Black when you're pitching in general, Adam Brandt. I also agree with Beth Black when you're pitching to a certain producer, director, etc. who likes Raunchy Comedies and cussing.

Beth Black definitely raunchy. That's the only reason I considered using it. Currently I use this:

A washed-up, hard-partying burger flipper cooks up plans to win back his estranged family by leading a diverse group of food truckers in a struggle against their greedy landlord.

Thumbs up, Adam Brandt. I really like "cooks up plans" since the series has cooking and food trucks.

The MC has one plan, right? To "win back his estranged family" (by "leading a diverse group of food truckers in a struggle against their greedy landlord"). If he just has one plan, I'd change "plans" to "plan."

The longer version is much, much better!! Qua info, structure, word choice, and feel. Change "plans" to "plan" and you have a solid logline

To me it's not about the use of swear words, it's the lack of specifics in the word chosen. Why is he an asshole? Is he a "self-centered" food trucker? Or, is he "jaded" or "bitter?" That adjective/swear-word could mean anything. You know your story, so in truth, the personality descriptor of the food trucker is likely part of the reason for his situation, is it not? In the narrative, if he is an "asshole" (whatever the reason), I assume he must change along the way for his plan to work. Or his plan working will likely change him.

The cursing doesn’t add anything and looks like it was added to jazz up the logline. The hook here is trying to save the food truck along with the family drama. That can last 5 plus seasons.

Adam Brandt I agree with Perry and Christopher. To me "asshole" is a subjective term. It's left up to the reader to figure out what it means. So, maybe something more specific would work best. Sounds like a good story!

Perry Dance in my quest for the perfect logline I have used many descriptors. Self-centered, ill-mannered, degenerate, obnoxious, alcoholic, egocentric, man-child, determined, rowdy, roughneck, self-loathing.

I often ponder just calling him an asshole. He's complex, and describing him can get wordy. Does he know he's an asshole? He does! Does he want to change? Yes, but being an asshole in some form works for him.

Many chef's are assholes. They need to be. He will always be an asshole. He can stop the drinking. He can be less self-centered. He doesn't have to be obnoxious all the time.

Christopher Phillips I wouldn't say it adds any jazz to the logline. If anything, it allows the reader to be subjective on what kind of asshole he is.

There are many descriptive words, but at the end of the day, I just can't use them all. Yes, the meat and potatoes are saving the park and family. This is true regardless of his struggles, whether he's drunk, obnoxious, ill-tempered, dysfunctional, or whatnot.

Look at Hells Kitchen. Safe to say, Gordon Ramsay is a bit of an asshole. That's why we watch! It's also very subjective. On day one the contestants hate the asshole. Towards the end, they love the same asshole. Does Gordon change?

He has to be an asshole, and it's up to us to decide what it is that makes him an asshole! While the story lines change every week, the one constant that will never change is the fact that Gordon is an asshole in the kitchen. He needs to be!

I'm talking about using it in the logline.

When your script's dialog is full of swear words it's polite to give a taste of them in the logline.

Hey Adam, I forgot to mention that I like the premise of your story, regardless of how you describe the chef. And I agree, from my experience with chefs, that they are often very demanding & demeaning to their staff. My only other piece of advice is simply to go with your gut, and not what you feel other people think you should do. If execs read that log line and don’t like it, at least it will be your choice. If people read a logline that you didn’t want to use but felt pressured to write, then you’ll just be pissed.

Perry Dance I just hoped to get some viewpoints. I'm grateful for this community and the feedback that everyone offers. Thanks for being a part of the discussion. If you'd like to check out the script here's a link.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10kaEk7EzILi_MZ_5T4VwhfSlOkIp2L02/view?u...

I believe the character of being an asshole should become evident in the Logline. Admitting though, it's harder but smarter.

I wouldn't use it and I agree with Charles V Abela, him being an asshole should be evident in the logline.

It is a potent word, but for MYSELF ONLY, I would try to find another word that packs the same kind of punch.

Showcase your writing talent by using another description that makes the reader think "asshole".

Adam, have you got the Logline sorted out? Maybe I missed it.

Charles V Abela

A washed-up, hard-partying burger flipper cooks up a plan to win back his estranged family by leading a diverse group of food truckers in a struggle against their greedy landlord.

I like the sound of "washed-up (-----) burger flipper..." and perhaps replacing 'hard-partying' with another word for 'asshole', as Perry Dance and Francisco Castro suggested... "washed-up, contemptable burger flipper...". Also, for me personally... "estranged family" peaked my interest in the first logline, but got a bit lost in the longer one. But that depends on what YOU want to 'hit' with it: "A washed-up, (----) burger flipper cooks up a plan to lead a diverse group of food truckers in a struggle against their greedy landlord, in order to win back his estranged family.

or

To win back his estranged family, a washed-up, (----) burger flipper cooks up a plan to lead a diverse group of food truckers in a struggle against their greedy landlord.

Some people are not able to cook, so probably you shouldn't use that word. ;)

Domenic Silipo in early versions I had settled on degenerate. I like washed-up, but felt the need to add hard-partying to describe the less than desirable qualities. Maybe degenerate was the correct word the whole time...

I like degenerate

It depends on the tone you wish to set with the story as that should drive the content of the logline. Tone is very important.

How about "abrasive," "caustic," or "schmuck" instead of asshole...just a suggestion.

@Adam Show us why he is an Asshole. EXAMPLE:-

" A food trucker facing eviction hatches a plan to save his business park BUT plays the house that can’t be beat."

Now we KNOW he is an asshole.

@Adam You got nine or so more words to play with for the log line but I reckon to make this particular point for this particular guy less is more. want/need/conflict/stakes

Adam, an asshole who used his kids as collateral for a mob loan, is a food trucker facing eviction. He cooks up plans to save the food truck park and win back his estranged family from the mob.

Something like that might be clearer. Please do not actually use children to secure a mob loan. This was meant in jest.

Damn, Bill, I wanna see that mob movie now. That is one twisted imagination and I like it. Kind of like, a desperate loneshark uses his kidney as collateral for a cyberpunk corporate loan to finance his wife's boob job. Now it's time to pay up. Only, his other kidney is now diseased.

L. Tom Deaver, welcome to my squishy brain. I once got a rejection letter from a publisher asking if I'd considered upping my anti-psychotic meds while insinuating that I really needed to do so. I have some stuff online you can read for free if you wish.

https://blogs.billmcscifi.com/2019/05/15/free-shit-70/

Debbie Croysdale I really hope to get it down between 20 and 30 words. Just over 20 would be great.

- Lonely, washed-up, roughneck, ill-mannered, self-loathing food truck owner.

- Series goal is keep the family business afloat to reunite with son, daughter and ex-wife.

- Season 1 goal(s): Work with his recent college graduate son and help a rowdy bunch of food truckers raise the money needed to buy the food truck park.

Bill McCormick pretty cool site!

Hey Bill, loving it. Thank you for sharing your wonderful squishy brain, bro, because that is one hell of a rejection letter haha!

I get all sorts of tidbits and here is a morsel for you -- I wish it were extraterrestrial we had to worry about and not extradimensional. If that does not 'help' the anti-psychotics, I don't know what will. :)

Adam Brandt I'm glad you liked it. I built it myself.

You could go with misanthropic instead of asshole and get the same efect

L. Tom Deaver it's not even my fave. That would be one that called my short story a waste of 4,000 words. I sold it anyway and it went on to become an Amazon best seller. I rarely care about insults in rejection letters. I figure that tells me more about them than anything useful,.

Here we go.

An ill-mannered chef cooks up a plan to reunite with his estranged family by saving the dysfunctional food truck park.