Screenwriting : Hey Stage 32! by Drakos Nox

Hey, Drakos Nox. I've written and pitched zombie scripts. Uniqueness helps a zombie script/movie stand out in a crowded market. A unique storyline, main character, world/setting, or zombies. From your logline, you have a unique storyline and main character, but I can't tell from the logline if the zombies are different than zombies in other scripts/movies, and I can't tell if your story has a unique world/setting. Of course, you don't need to have all four (unique storyline, main character, world/setting, and zombies) in your script, but unique zombies is big. There are tons of zombie scripts and movies with unique storylines, main characters, and worlds/settings, but a script/movie with unique zombies can definitely get people's attention.

Also, I think your logline needs a little work. Something like: A battle-scarred medic leads a desperate band of survivors against mindless hordes of zombies and the Collectors who seem to control them, her quest for vengeance threatening to consume her.

I removed "cold, calculating" from the logline because I don't think it adds anything to the logline and "cold, calculating Collectors" has three words starting with a "C." The rhyming throws off the logline's flow and takes away from the Thriller tone.

I changed "both the mindless hordes of the infected" to "mindless hordes of zombies" in the logline to cut down on words.

Questions I would consider: How and why are there zombies (most films just don't care, but I certainly do)? Why is the protagonist seeking revenge (not explained in the logline)?

Hi Anthony,

Thanks again for your feedback! I'm glad those questions resonated with you.

Here's a quick overview of how my detailed synopsis addresses those points:

* Zombie Origin: The outbreak is caused by a mysterious virus, but the Collectors, a powerful organization, seem to be manipulating its spread for their own nefarious purposes.

* Protagonist's Revenge: Rina's transformation into a hardened warrior is directly fueled by witnessing the brutal deaths of her friends at the hands of the infected. This personal loss ignites a burning desire for revenge that drives her actions throughout the story.

Would you be interested in reading the full synopsis? It delves deeper into the Collectors' motivations, Rina's internal conflict, and the escalating war between the survivors and the oppressive regime.

I'm eager to get your thoughts on the expanded story.

Thanks!

Drakos

Hi Maurice,

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate your perspective on uniqueness in zombie stories.

You're right, the initial logline didn't fully capture some unique elements:

* Tokyo Setting: The story unfolds in a post-apocalyptic Tokyo, which offers a distinct visual and cultural backdrop compared to many Western zombie tales.

* Mutated Zombies: While not explicitly mentioned in the logline, the detailed synopsis reveals that the Collectors are experimenting on survivors, creating new, mutated forms of infected.

I like your revised logline! It's more concise and definitely captures the core conflict better.

I'm open to exploring ways to further emphasize the unique aspects of the story, especially the mutated zombies and the Tokyo setting.

Thanks again for your input. I'm always looking for ways to strengthen my pitch!

Best,

Drakos

You're welcome, Drakos Nox. I think mentioning the mutated zombies and Tokyo in your logline will help your script stand out more.

Something like: In post-apocalyptic Tokyo, a battle-scarred medic leads a desperate band of survivors against mutated zombies and the Collectors who seem to control them, her quest for vengeance threatening to consume her.

Feel free to submit your script for notes on my YouTube channel. We'll be meeting tomorrow and look at 10-page selections.

https://www.stage32.com/media/3500252380887264882?ref=search

Hey Drakos Nox - feel free to drop me a note at success@stage32.com - I can work with you on a strategy to get it in the hands of some producers, agents, and managers directly.