Screenwriting : Logline opinions! by Jared Michael Delaney

Jared Michael Delaney

Logline opinions!

Hey all- as we know, the logline is its own special little artform: I just polished up a new hour-long serialized drama that I'm really digging, but not sure about the log. Would love some opinions. Here we go:

THE COMPOUND One-Hour [Serialized] TV| dark political thriller| Cable

LOGLINE: When the anarchist militia he was raised in murders his father, a former true-believer revolves to bring them down, even at the cost of his family, his community and his future.

THE PATH meets SONS OF ANARCHY

Thoughts welcome! Thanks all! Hope everyone is having a productive week thus far!

Maurice Vaughan

Solid logline, Jared Michael Delaney. It has the inciting incident, main character, his goal, the antagonists, and what the main character has to lose. And the logline's only 31 words. I'd watch this show!

Jared Michael Delaney

Ah you're a kind person Maurice Vaughan ! Thanks for the feedback. You know how it is, never quite sure with loglines! All opinions are welcome!

Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Jared Michael Delaney. I know what you mean. Sometimes I post my loglines on my profile, get feedback, then rewrite them because other people see things I didn't see. Like with writing scripts.

Anthony Moore

I'm sorry to be the downer but I have to play devil's advocate. How is the main character raised by his father AND a militia? Militia don't raise kids, like a gang they recruit members. And most kids raised by a father don't join gangs or militia. Here's my take:

After his father is killed, a runaway teen swears to destroy the very militia of which he is a member, putting his family, community and future on the line.

Jared Michael Delaney

all thoughts are most welcome! Phil Stubbs good note on that. worth considering. and Anthony Moore great point. I think for me the operative phrase is "raised IN" rather than "raised BY" which I think would speak more clearly to your take, but I still get your thinking there. I need to think on it! thank you both!

Eric Christopherson

I'm not sure what to make of "anarchist militia." It strikes me as an oxymoron. Also why is it important (What are the stakes?) that this organization be destroyed? I'm not sure that pure vengeance would be enough to drive things.

Wal Friman

Seems like he's stirring up some dust.

A man devoted for life to an anarchist militia, has his father murdered and revolves to bring them down at the cost of the entire community’s future.

Rutger Oosterhoff

"After his father is killed, a runaway teen swears to destroy the very militia of which he is a member, putting his family, community and future on the line."

I like the above logline, but:

Does this logline without a glimmer of doubt say the "militia" killed his father? Not sure.

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