Screenwriting : Please Proof Read My Logline & Feedback Please by Mark Deuce

Great job on the logline, Mark Deuce! This sounds like an interesting story! I think you mean “cunningness” instead of “cunning.”

did you put a new age spin on it so its easy for me? lol jk

Thank you very much Maurice Vaughan and happy weekend!!

Please watch the video and let me know what ya think Vincent Turner and have a great weekend.

You're welcome, Mark Deuce. Happy weekend!

Sounds good!

I would watch such show. And if I would own a cinema company I would love to buy such story.

As to logline expertise I can't say much as professional but as a fan I loved it!

'Prowess' is a better word than 'cunningness' Maurice Vaughan Mark Deuce

Wikipedia says something about her father that I'd consider including.

The true story of how father ignored Virginia Oldoini became the world’s first supermodel, a spy, the king’s mistress and a significant figure in the early days of photography.

Mark Deuce I think that the flow may be interrupted with too many commas? Could you leave out 'being a spy', I wonder.... In the opulent courts of 19th-century Europe, Virginia Oldoini, the first supermodel and queen of surrealism, uses her beauty and prowess to navigate scandal, politics and the emerging art of photography, leaving an indelible mark on history.

I really liked the video, the story sounds very interesting!

"Prowess" might work, Sarah Jane Mc Carthy, but "cunningness" is about being clever at planning something to get what you want or doing something deceitfully, which might be what Virginia did (I'm not sure).

Hmmm...this story is right up my alley! (I love history, especially widely unknown females- like Veronica Franco who inspired the film Dangerous Beauty) but I might suggest "beauty and cunning" to be something like"collective charms"? We know from supermodel shes gorgeous already..."uses her collective charms to navigate political scandals through espionage, while influencing the emerging art of photography, leaving an indelible mark on history." And also put "supermodel" in quotes as its a very modern word and this is a period film? IDK, I'm not the best at loglines but this is what jumps out at first glance if that helps.

I watched the video you're looking $10,000 per scene. If the script is transformed into new age you will be able to sell it quicker

Oooh, I like the term 'collective charms' Susan Kelejian good idea!

There is a fusion of many worlds here: surrealism, 19th century, spy story... My fear is that the synergy won't be complete, but it sounds like a wacky, fantastic world you've created here. Best of luck!

What is her goal, and what is the obstacle? What are the stakes?

Thank you so much to all of your amazing comments and feedback!!