Screenwriting : Query letter by Göran Johansson

I'm not responding to your QL writings, but, I have something to say, Please the prize you got was to promote you and your talent togather with it's out put in a bigger space, let's take it , 50k viewers on television watch over as you said, the giver had an intention of making you reach up with a person that can uphold you into a meanful Business in this industry.

So please mention about it , who knows, this person might be the one reading your next QL, or their associate, friend ,could an assistant.

And there you go, from no budget to budget making Film experience.

Congratulations anyway.

First you want to express why you're in touch, then what you offer. Your logline will take care of the latter. It will also be what convinces the reader that you write well.

Hi, Göran Johansson. I don't think you need "I don't participate in film contests." It doesn't add anything to your query letter. Since you win the award a decade ago and it was just for encouragement, I don't think you need to put it in your letter. I think you should mention that all your creations have been for public access television stations. It'll show the person you're pitching to that you're a published writer.

Here's what I put in a query letter:

I think of a catchy subject line.

I always start a query letter with "Hi, _________,"

Next, I'll put something like "How are you doing?" or something catchy. Then I let the person (executive, director, producer, etc.) know why I'm emailing.

After that, I mention the logline. Some script leads tell you that the producers, companies, etc. only accept loglines in query letters, so I exclude a synopsis.

If the script leads say the producers, companies, etc. are open to more than a logline, I include a short synopsis. Sometimes I also include what's special/unique about the script (usually just one sentence) and a small paragraph about how many characters are in the script, how many locations are in the script, etc., but I like to keep my query letters brief, so I don't always include this information. Producers, agents, etc. get a lot of query letters, so they don't have time to read a long query letter.

Next, I mention that a treatment and a pitch deck are available, then I thank the person for hearing my pitch.

Sometimes I add a short bio but not always (because I like to keep my query letters brief).

I end the email with my name and contact info.

And I'm always experimenting with ways to write a query letter.

Here's one of my query letters:

A catchy subject line: The House is ALIVE! "Escape the House" - Horror Comedy Script Pitch

Hi, ______,

How are you doing? My name is Maurice. I found your post on _________________ (or I'll mention who referred me to the person that I'm emailing). I have a Horror/Comedy feature script about a living house that wants a family and a maid. It's called "Escape the House."

Logline: After a disobedient teen and her mom move to a small town, the family and a neighbor try to escape from a living house that wants a daughter, wife, and live-in maid.

Picture “Monster House” as a live-action movie (I put this in red bold).

Short Synopsis: 5-6 sentences

The full synopsis is in the treatment. A pitch deck is available. Thanks for hearing my pitch.

Maurice Vaughan

Contact Info

And I suggest checking out this webinar by literary manager Audrey Knox about query letters: "How To Write A Query Letter That Gets You Past The Gatekeepers" www.stage32.com/education/products/how-to-write-a-query-letter-that-gets...

Dear friends, thank you so much. I plan to use your comments on Monday to revise my query letter.

Any more comments?

You're welcome, Göran Johansson.

Wonderful, more for me to take advice from.

Mike, I have made a list with production companies which appear to create movies with small budget. Such companies are easier to discuss with.

Screenplay query letters (email) are definitely a thing, Mike Childress. I've gotten script requests, been hired for jobs, and made connections with query letters.

Yeah, that's how it is a lot of times, Mike Childress. Producers, studios, etc. won't accept unsolicited material. But I meant emailing query letters to producers, directors, etc. when I see script leads and jobs on sites like Stage 32 and Screenwriting Staffing. I think the only physical query letter I sent was to Paramount back when I was a new screenwriter. Paramount mailed me a rejection letter. It was cool to get a letter from Paramount though!

Haha Dan Guardino

Marketing a script can be really tough, Mike Childress, but an exciting concept, incredible script, catchy title, well-crafted pitch material, and networking can make it a lot easier.

Yeah, you can write a TV spec the same way you write a feature spec, Mike Childress. Some writers put act breaks in TV specs, but if you're gonna pitch to streamers and HBO, you don't have to have act breaks.

Dear friends, you are really kind who spend so much time helping. Any more comments?

Dear friends, a new version of my query letter. Please notice that I plan to contact production companies which have little money. So I expect the producer/director to read. I mean, I offer something which is so cheap to produce that they can afford it.

Since I am a scientist, I feel that I should write like a person in the academic world.

When it comes to mentioning my prize, I noticed that you had different opinions.

What I myself consider the worst problem is my logline.

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" spec script

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing so well that you are eager to create.

I reach out to you because your company appears to be the right place for my 95 pages long dramedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". Due to a toxic relationship, a grieving female CIA operative is blackmailed into murder, but an interstellar message points to a way out of her situation.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist. So the reversals and the happy end come from the scientific discovery which is alluded to in the title. People like that a large part of the story is in the academic world, because this environment is rarely seen in movies.

More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long.

Five actors, "100 hours" and a shoestring budget is enough for filming. Since I have produced myself, I am used to a shortage of money.

Actors like how I write. I am used to people who love to participate because I make it possible to work fast.

Other filmmakers have told me that I write well. I am also well known at some theatres. My longest play is about four hours long.

Many thanks for spending time on reading this message.

May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

Hi, Göran Johansson. I think your subject line could be catchier.

I think "I hope you are doing so well that you are eager to create" needs to be worded better.

Maybe change "I reach out to you because your company appears to be the right place for my 95 pages long dramedy" to "I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page dramedy."

I also suggest putting the first sentence and the second sentence on the same line.

I think "but an interstellar message points to a way out of her situation" is vague. I also think you need to add the story goal and the stakes in the logline.

"I am a scientist. So the reversals and the happy end come from the scientific discovery which is alluded to in the title." I think that needs to be worded better.

"More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long." I suggest moving that down in your query letter so it doesn't interrupt the flow of your pitch.

"Five actors, "100 hours" and a shoestring budget is enough for filming." I think that needs to be worded better.

I don't think you need "Actors like how I write. I am used to people who love to participate because I make it possible to work fast" and "Other filmmakers have told me that I write well" in your query letter.

I suggest combining "I am also well known at some theatres. My longest play is about four hours long" with "More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long."

I suggest putting "Many thanks for spending time on reading this message" and "May I send you my screenplay?" on the same line.

Maybe change "Many thanks for spending time on reading this message" to "Many thanks for taking the time to read my message" or "Thank you for your time."

Dear Maurice, many thanks. You know English better than I do so I understand that I should listen.

At the same time, I still feel that I have problems with my logline. Perhaps I should write : You may imagine this movie as a cross-over between The Matrix and Contact.

Unfortunately, I don't know if Contact is so well known that I should mention it.

Here comes an improved version :

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Unique Dramedy

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page dramedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". An interstellar message hardly changes our world. But for a grieving female CIA operative, it becomes the most important event in her life. Because she must use the information to be healed after the loss of her baby daughter, or alternatively go to jail for the murder she is blackmailed to commit.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so the reversals and the happy end come from the interstellar contact. People like that a large part of the story is in the academic world, because this environment is rarely seen in movies.

Five actors are enough. Since I have produced myself, I am used to a shortage of money.

More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. I am also well known at some theatres. My longest play is about four hours long.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

You're welcome, Göran Johansson. Your query letter is better, but I think it needs more work.

Contact is a well-known movie. It's directed by Robert Zemeckis, it stars Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, and Tom Skerritt, and the movie made $171,120,329 at the box office.

"Perhaps I should write : You may imagine this movie as a cross-over between The Matrix and Contact." I like that idea. Maybe write "Imagine this movie as The Matrix meets Contact" after the logline. Or "It's The Matrix meets Contact."

I'm not sure what "I am a scientist, so the reversals and the happy end come from the interstellar contact" means.

Maybe explain "Five actors are enough. Since I have produced myself, I am used to a shortage of money" in a little more detail. The person reading your query letter might not understand what you mean.

I suggest removing "My longest play is about four hours long" from your bio. I don't think it adds anything useful to your query letter. And you may not even need to put your bio in the query letter. It'll take the person less time to read your query letter if you don't add a bio in it. Your bio shows that you've had success in your career, but it doesn't have anything to do with "Saved by Andromeda." You could send your query letter without the bio and if the person asks for your bio in a reply, you could send it to them then.

Here’s a logline template that might help you with your logline: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less.

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

This is basically what your logline says.

A grieving female CIA operative, awaiting jailtime for committing murder through blackmail, is saved by an interstellar message that instead helps her heal the loss of her baby.

Dear friends, many thanks for further advice, here comes a new version of my query letter :

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Unique Dramedy

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page dramedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". A murder plan will be stopped if a grieving female CIA operative learns how to use an interstellar message, but failure promises a lifetime in jail for herself.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I know the idea that our universe may be described as us living in a computer simulation. So I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where almost everything is the same as here.

People like that a large part of the story is in the academic world, because this environment is rarely seen in movies.

Five actors are enough. There has been a shortage of money when my earlier scripts have been produced, so I write in such a way that the amount of needed resources is minimized.

More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. Some theatres know me as a playwright.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

Dear friends, if you have no more comments, then only one question remains.

The logline. I have the sentence : The title is "Saved by Andromeda". But what do I write after that sentence? Here are some alternatives. What do you think is best :

- To stop a murder plan, a grieving CIA operative needs to be sober enough to use an interstellar message because failure promises a lifetime in jail for herself.

- After the loss of her baby, a blackmailed CIA operative needs to be sober enough to use an interstellar message to break out of a toxic relationship because failure means murder and a lifetime in jail for herself.

- A grieving female CIA operative must break out of a toxic relationship to avoid a lifetime in jail, but to do so she needs to be sober enough to use an interstellar message.

I mean that I need to combine the following ingredients.

The CIA operative has lost her baby. This has made her a drunkard.

She has a toxic relationship with her uncle, who is also her boss. He wants her to murder an important person. And plans to have her in jail for the murder.

A scientific breakthrough results in an interstellar message, but to use the information she needs to be sober.

The question is what of this to include in the logline. The alcohol abuse, the cosmic message, the toxic relationship and the grief are seen. The murder plan is briefly discussed.

Better all the time, Göran. I can't do these elements justice. Farce crime comedy, right?

A grief boozing CIA operative, working under her uncle, who uses blackmail to scam her into jail, can be saved by an interstellar message, assuming she can sober up enough.

Hi, Göran Johansson. I think your subject line needs to be catchier. Maybe use a key part of your story for the subject line.

I edited your query letter. You’re welcome to use some of it or all of it.

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the perfect fit for my 95-page dramedy screenplay titled "Saved by Andromeda". This movie doesn’t sound like a dramedy. It sounds like a sci-fi drama movie or a sci-fi thriller.

Add the logline here (I’ll post a logline template at the end of my comment).

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I’m familiar with the idea that we might be living in a computer simulation. I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where nearly everything is the same as here.

People who have heard my idea like that a large part of the story is set in the academic world, because this environment is rarely seen in movies. This film can be made with only five actors. There has been a shortage of money when my earlier scripts have been produced, so I write in such a way that the amount of needed resources is minimized (I understand what you’re trying to say, but I’m not sure how to word it).

More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my projects. After winning a prize as best director, I wrote and directed three TV movies.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

But really, Göran, I suggest using a short query letter. You could save the longer query letter in case you want to use it later. Here’s a short query letter:

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the perfect fit for my 95-page ____ (genre/genres) screenplay titled "Saved by Andromeda".

Add the logline here (I’ll post a logline template at the end of my comment).

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I’m familiar with the idea that we might be living in a computer simulation. I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where nearly everything is the same as here.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

Here’s the logline template: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like “Mission: Impossible”).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

Nice, my dear friends. It is weekend now, but on Monday I plan to resume work on my query letter.

Have a great weekend, Göran Johansson!

I don't understand the value in telling people you don't participate in contests or the length of your productions/material.

Just tell them you won a prize for best director for a program half a million people watched.

Dear friends, my head feels empty. After thinking for a few weeks rather than a few days, below comes what I consider the final version of my query letter.

Any further suggestions?

I am not satisfied, but the message is relatively short. The message tells that my story is cheap to produce, and I plan to contact production companies with little money since those with plenty of money don't accept query letters. And the query letter tells that I am an experienced person, and others like what I create.

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Unique Dramedy

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page dramedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". A grieving female CIA operative must break out of a toxic relationship to avoid a lifetime in jail, but to do so she needs to be sober enough to use interstellar advice.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I know the idea that our universe may be described as us living in a computer simulation. So I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where almost everything is the same as here.

People like that much of the story is in the academic world, an environment rarely seen in movies.

Five actors are enough. I'm used to a shortage of money.

More than 20 public access television stations have broadcasted my earlier projects. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. Theatres know me as a playwright.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

Fast learner.

Your query letter is better, Göran Johansson. Your logline and the paragraph after your logline make your script sound like a Sci-Fi Drama or a Sci-Fi Thriller though, not a Dramedy.

I don't think you need "I'm used to a shortage of money.." Just say your script is cheap to produce. Something like put something like "This is a micro-budget script with only five actors and ____ locations."

You could even take out your bio ("More than 20 public access television stations...") and make your query letter shorter, but that's ultimately up to you.

Dear friends, OK, I'll take one more look. And yes, I understands that it sounds like a thriller. There is some shooting.

I recently read that Hollywood's most recent 'top ten grossing movies' are all sequels to earlier bestsellers. This is the opposite. Something cheap which looks new. Even though it is ordinary arch plot with a happy end.

After sleeping on it, I have changed :

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Unique Action Comedy

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page action comedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". A grieving female CIA operative must break out of a toxic relationship to avoid a lifetime in jail, but to do so she needs to be sober enough to use interstellar advice.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I know the idea that our universe may be described as us living in a computer simulation. So I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where almost everything is the same as here.

People like that much of the story is in the academic world, an environment rarely seen in movies.

Five actors and a micro-budget are enough.

My earlier projects have been broadcasted. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. Theatres know me as a playwright.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson

I like your new query letter, Göran Johansson. I still think your subject line needs to be catchier though. Maybe "'Saved by Andromeda' - A Doppelganger Action Comedy" or something else.

And I think "Five actors and a micro-budget are enough" sounds off/awkward. I suggest rewording it.

Thanks Maurice, I agree that it looks great with : Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Doppelganger Action Comedy

Is it better if I write "Five actors and a minimalistic budget are enough."

Or is it advisable to write "Five actors are enough because my script can be filmed without having any money."

You're welcome, Göran Johansson. Here's my example from my other comment ("This is a micro-budget script with only five actors and ____ locations"). I think it has a better flow. You can change my example or build on it if you like.

This is a micro-budget script with only five actors and few locations.

Dear friends, if there are no more comments, then this is the final version :

Subject line : "Saved by Andromeda" - A Doppelganger Action Comedy

Dear //title and name//

I hope you are doing well. I'm reaching out to you because I think your company is the right fit for my 95-page action comedy.

The title is "Saved by Andromeda". A grieving female CIA operative must break out of a toxic relationship to avoid a lifetime in jail, but to do so she needs to be sober enough to use interstellar advice.

What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist, so I know the idea that our universe may be described as us living in a computer simulation. So I wrote a doppelganger story where people start to communicate with another planet where almost everything is the same as here.

People like that much of the story is in the academic world, an environment rarely seen in movies.

This is a micro-budget script with only five actors and few locations.

My earlier projects have been broadcasted. After winning a prize as best director, I have written and directed three TV-movies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. Theatres know me as a playwright.

Thank you for your time. May I send you my screenplay?

Best,

Göran Johansson