Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some feedback on two monologues I recently performed. One is from Chicago PD, where I portrayed Detective Sergeant Hank Voight. This was assigned to me by a talent agency. One of the monologues is more dynamic, with some movement, while the other is more stationary.
I’m a newer actor, having started in February, and I’ve got thick skin from my time in the military. So, I welcome all feedback—the good, the bad, and the ugly—but I’m really looking for constructive critiques that also highlight what I’m doing right. Whether it’s my lighting, delivery, confidence, or something else, I’d appreciate knowing what’s working as well. I’m used to talking in front of people, having presented to high-level audiences in the DoD when I was in the military, so being on stage isn’t an issue for me.
I’m continuing to take acting courses wherever I can find them, constantly working on my craft. One thing I’ve noticed about these talent agencies is they often push classes just to get money from you, and that’s a red flag for me. That said, I still want to stress that I’m looking for objective feedback here. I want to know what’s going well and what isn’t, kind of like an after-action review (AAR). In the military, after every mission, we’d always conduct an AAR to go over what went right, what could be improved, and how to do better next time—and that’s the kind of feedback I’m hoping to get from you all.
A quick note on one of the monologues (the dynamic one): In this scene, I’m standing in a room talking to a group of officers as their mentor. I’m at a podium giving them a motivational speech as they’re about to come off probation, and I’m getting ready to retire from the Chicago PD. So you’ll see a lot of movement in this monologue because it’s meant to be a dynamic, motivational speech. I’m moving around because of the energy and context of the scene. I didn’t have much to work with in terms of background at my home studio, so keep that in mind as you watch. The scene is set in a room with Chicago PD officers, and I’m giving them the “down and dirty” about what it’s like to be a cop.
For context, I’m doing this part-time. I’m retired from the U.S. Army after 33 years and have a full-time career outside of acting. Since starting, I’ve taken several acting courses. I was recently in a movie called The Paranormal Lockdown, where I played an 1880s saloon business tycoon, and I’ve done a few UGC commercials for social media. I’ve also been booked for a local commercial here in Arizona.
I’m a member of the Veterans Media and Entertainment Network and really like using this venue to get feedback. I’m located in Arizona, by the way.
I’m getting ready to submit an audition for more of a comedy-type production, and I’ll be sending that along for your feedback as well. I’ll make sure to provide the criteria for that one when I do, but in the meantime, if you could take a look at the YouTube links below and give me your thoughts, it would really help me out. As a veteran, I’d greatly appreciate the support.
Thanks so much!
Here are the You tube links
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Hi, Glenn Axelrod. I'm not an actor, but here's my feedback: I think you had a stronger performance in the second video. You kept looking down in your first video like you were reading off something. That might be normal though. I suggest showing a range of emotions in your performance.
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Hi Glenn Axelrod. Putting on my director's hat and having watched both versions of your monologue, I feel I have to say that I think that the current versions are both, way too soft delivery-wise.
First note: The office background image was far superior to a plain back wall.
Your first version has lots of emotion, I liked that more, but think back to your military days, when you had to deliver a life or death motivational message to your guys.
Why not give it another go, but this time, think more Sergeant-Major-wise on a parade ground. It's momentous that you deliver this message to your guys, and even more vital for their own safety out there (remember HILL STREET BLUES) that they fully take-in and fully understand what you are saying. You have to RAM this message home. Make your delivery far more, IN YOUR FACE. Be passionate, be angry, be emotive! Hope that this helps.
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hey Graham Thank you so much for this excellent insight! I really appreciate the specific feedback, and I’ll definitely give it another try sometime this week. I love the idea of channeling that Sergeant-Major energy on the parade ground—makes total sense. I’ll also check out Hill Street Blues to see what you’re referring to; I’m sure there’s something on YouTube that’ll help me capture that intensity.
Hey, if I have any other auditions I’m getting ready to submit, would it be okay to send them your way for feedback? I already submitted one recently—it was a short, comedic piece—but I’d love to get your thoughts on future ones. I’ve been submitting through Backstage, which is the main platform I use. Not sure if you’ve heard of it, but it’s been working well for me so far.
I wish more talent agencies would give feedback like this. Instead, they just seem to push classes and want your money, without offering the kind of objective critique you’ve given me here. It’s frustrating because genuine feedback like this is what’s needed to improve, and it’s rare to come by.
I also hope to get more insights from other casting agents, directors, and others on this platform. That’s really what I’m looking for—multiple feedback that’s objective and to the point.
Once again, I’m really grateful for your mentorship and coaching—this is solid advice. Thanks for taking the time to help me out!
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Hey Glenn - absolutely no problem with any of what you suggest. I thank you for your service to the free world and if I can ever do anything to help you, do not hesitate to get in touch. Nearly every episode of Hill Street Blues (surely one of the greatest American cop shows ever ) usually had a scene in each episode similar in tone to the message you are giving in your monologue and the Police Sergeant always ended his briefing to his watch with the words, "Be careful out there." That's the message I thought your monologue was trying to convey.
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Good job posting this and asking for feedback - that's brave. You talk really naturally and authentically and you know what you're talking about. It really depends on what you plan to do with it, but if you want use this for casting directors, a reel, your actors access then here are some things that can help make it more professional. 1. Use a plain background. 2. Cut the first scene from something else - you don't need it. 3, Stand still and imagine yourself at the front of a room full of police officers and really connect with them. - think of what you need them to do or say - an intention. 4. I can see that you're reading from a script and that doesn't look professional. It subliminally tells me me that I as a Director can't trust that you'll know your lines. I am a Director and Acting Coach with students on major networks. If I could help you get memorized and create reels and self tapes that grab casting's attention - would it be worth having a conversation?
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I watched them both twice. In the one with the office background, I'd lose that outdoor scene clip at the beginning. It felt like what happens when you reuse an old VHS tape and record over something but there's that tiny bit of what was there before still on there. Also, because the camera is so close that it's just your head and shoulders, the swaying back and forth is very distracting. Looking left and right as if trying to look at all the people presumably in the room in front of you seemed contrived, not natural. I'd back the camera off a little and use a podium to give the sense that you're actually in a meeting room with rookie officers sitting in chairs, and tone down the looking around. A white board on the wall behind you would be a nice touch to help create that illusion. People are always coached to look around the room, but when you watch speakers, they don't do it THAT much...unless someone just reminded them to do it so they're over-compensating. And when they do look around, their eyes tend to settle on something for a moment or two; a person, a brightly colored shirt, etc... Also, it appears you're reading the script or checking your notes at times.
You have a nice voice and your delivery comes across sincere, but not necessarily in keeping with the character you described. He's retiring after a long, hard career and he's giving the rookies a reality check slash pep-talk. He needs to get their attention and make them think, without scaring them, but he's also probably a no-nonsense, no sugar-coating kind of guy who wants to send them out there prepared and aware...but not gung-ho and heartless. He needs to strike a balance. I suggest increasing the tonal range in your voice and varying your volume to match what you're saying. Use tempo for emphasis as fits the dialog and don't be afraid to use pauses for impact. I once reduced an entire classroom to tears with a well-timed anticipatory pause. A moment of silence can make a strong impression.
You seemed more comfortable in the other one, but maybe a little rushed. And again, think about who the character is and how HE would be likely to deliver this talk. He's been on the job for years, he's seen some sh*t. He remembers what it was like to be a greenhorn rookie and he's thinking about what he wishes someone had told him that first day so he'd been mentally and emotionally prepared for what he was about to walk into. But he's also remembering the guys who couldn't hack it, the ones who went off the rails and went rogue, or the ones who had nervous breakdowns, and he knows that sitting in that room in front of him are a bunch of fresh officers who are looking to him to prepare them so they have the best possible chance of a long and successful career. He needs to make every word count and he needs to assure they absorb his words. Climb into his head and BE him.
Just my two cents worth. :D lol