Which log line do you like better.
A perpetually-stretched hotel worker must juggle his demanding job, a complicated relationship with his girlfriend, and the unexpected return of his charming ex, forcing him to choose between the life he's built and the life he truly desires.
Caught between a demanding job and the expectations of the woman he loves, a young hotel worker must face a series of escalating challenges, both professional and personal, to discover that the key to happiness lies in finally being true to himself.
Personally. I like the second one.
Hi, Tim Bragg. I think "face a series of escalating challenges, both professional and personal" in the second logline is vague. I like the first logline better, but maybe change "perpetually-stretched" to something else. And maybe change "must juggle" to "juggles."
in my opinion, both options sound cumbersome. I think should leave only the part about the ex-girlfriend's return.
Vague and lack stakes. They need to be juiced up to whip up interest.
While premises are relatable, they do not stand out as particularly unique or distinct. The protagonist's job as a "perpetually-stretched hotel worker" and "a series of escalating challenges" need more specificity to make the story vivid and memorable.
"The life he truly desires" and "the expectations of the woman he loves" are abstract. Clarifying what the protagonist truly desires or what the ex represents make the stakes tangible and compelling.
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thanks everyone. I was thinking about changing perpetually-stretched also because I do not care for that but nothing comes to mind.
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Maybe something like,
overworked, overwhelmed, overloaded, always busy, constantly pushed, [always, constantly] under pressure, nonstop work, never-ending demands.
You're welcome, Tim Bragg.
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Langley, those are good suggestions, thank you.
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Welcome, Bragg.