Screenwriting : Logline by Dean Steven Nichols

Put the name of the protagonist in your logline, they like to know your protagonist name

Gloria Hart, a NYC Police detective, investigating a murder and discovers that she could be the next victim of a 200 year old curse of an Indian Chief, But to stop the curse, she must first find the medicine man’s lost book. Loglines are not my forte, I hope this works.

In my experience (small lol) you shouldn't put names in loglines. The logline is your sell, the reader simply wants to know your concept and if they should open the script. The logline should have irony and excitement. My suggestion (without reading the script): When a skeptical detective investigates a murder apparently linked to a 200 year old Indian curse, she is thrust into a desperate hunt for an ancient lost book to avoid becoming the curse's next victim.

I've seen loglines with, and without names. I do like the one you are suggesting. Don't mind if I steal it. Thank you.

Of course, go ahead :)

They are really difficult. Try and keep it to 25 words or less, if poss.. A homicide detective links a two hundred year old curse to a murder spree, to stop the curse she must find the ancient book. Again, hard without a detailed synopsis to go off. I too would avoid the name in there though.

Also think of something else other than book. Weren't old books called 'tombs' or something...

The book is what controls the story. here is a link to the outline http://wp.me/pZw12-53

Make it shorter and cut out words that are not required and obvious. Eg why say A NYC police detective ?? Just say "Detective Gloria Hart, investigates ..............." It sounds more professional.

Thank you for your advise.

Names take up to much sentence space and are not important at this stage of the game. Here's how I would take a crack at the sentence. It's all about brevity. "In New York City a police detective discovers that she could be the next victim of a 200 year old Native American curse and the only way to stop it is to find a medicine man’s lost book."

OK that makes better sense, I'll work with it and try to bring it down from 38 to at least 25 words. Thank you.

What I like about it, is that is very enigmatic, but I don't know if it's interesting to propel someone to read the script. I always have problem with loglines. I try to project the "big picture" and I am ending with a log line that can qualify as a premise. I'll work with that and let's see what I can do. Thank you so much. By Monday I'll be posting some loglines, and I would appreciate the feedback.

Thank for liking my idea, and yea! loglines are a major BITCH'S I do agree with you about Daren's idea, and I've adopted it. However, I try to revise it down from 35, to at least 25 words. Thank you for your insight.

:) Best of luck with the script! Wouldn't mind a read actually.