Screenwriting : Drafting by Bill Kautz

Have you read "Your Screenplay Sucks?" It's very useful for cutting long descriptions.

That I know how to do, and have been doing it for years, but in the process, a lot gets lost and the reader is forced to use his/her imagination. Different readers, different interpretations of the same plot, action, characters, settings, etc., which may or may not be what the writer had in mind. Standard scripts are, to me, just skeletons.

Keep in mind, I write the first draft without worrying about length. It's just for my use. The question was/is could it ever be put to use later on?

"could it ever be be put to use later on?". Not really. While you have read countless script where you don't have a clue what's going on, in general the way a screenplay is written is standard to the experienced professional. All the "color" and "flavor" many writers feel is important is often not. I'm thinking that if your story is unclear at 120 (or less) pages then you need to go over 120 pages. You do not want to present a story that is unclear. If you must present a script over 140 pages then you must. You just need to do so knowing that immediate red flags go up. It's not fair, but it happens. Way too many long scripts filled with color and flavor are just a tough read. Some are not - yours may be that exception. I think I know what you're getting at - what you would like to hear: keep that long draft. when the shorter version sells and you're sitting with the producer and director in a story meeting you can offer it to them. So, yes, there may be use later on for that "weirdly formatted short story". A second scenario: you put the long script aside and write a story that you can tell clearly with color and flavor in 100 pages. That one gets you an agent and/or sells. Now producers are knocking at your door - a 140 plus page script isn't a problem for a produced writer.

You're reading me - well. The value to me is that when it comes to paring it down to under 120, I'll have a reference to go by. That is; "...I said it in twenty words, now Bill, try to say the same thing in ten or less and hope like hell a reader understands it!" I know it isn't fair, but nothing in this life is. It'll be under the 120 bar and because music is involved, under that. Speaking of music, would music publishers be a possible source for contacts? Tree International, for instance, is, or was, owned by Sony Pictures.

I’m right there with you Bill. I tend to do the same thing and have the same frustrations. One thing that may help you to retain some of your vision is to use your lengthy descriptions in your treatment. You can get away with a more “novel like” approach with more robust, detailed descriptions. When James Cameron started shopping Terminator around his treatment was 42 pages long and its chock full of details and descriptions. If you get a chance, locate a copy its great reading. Neither you nor I are James Cameron so I’m not so sure a 42 page treatment would fly these days but it is another vehicle to get your vision across.

Jacqueline: Lord no! I can't play a radio and my singing in the shower hurts the dog's ears and causes the SPCA to show up at my door - with a restraining order! Enrico Caruso or Johnny Cash I'm not! In the script, the genre is NOT specified but if Blue Grass is suggested, I'll probably have something to say about that. Oh, I intentionally inserted some dialogue and a scene in the middle of the first song, to hopefully keep someone from lifting it. I'll probably do the same in the final.Don't know if that'll work but I hate people who steal from writers! And Rick, thanks. It's good to know I'm not alone. LOL! 42 pages doesn't seem too bad, considering the only reading people do these days is on bathroom walls and tee-shirts. ;O)

Screenwriting is a very specific craft, isn't it? Writers who are accustom to prose find it a difficult challenge.

From what I've heard, once you've established yourself, you have the potential to get away with more, but do not use it as your spec.

I suggest, if you are willing, you get another writers opinion. Try screeneditor.com.au and let them know you are looking to hone your writing to fit the industry standard and keep the jewels. Often a fresh eye can see something about your work that will make a significant difference to how you tell your story. Good luck.

Since none of us are Quinton Tarantino or Shane Black or James Cameron, we unestablished writers are held to a tighter way of writing scripts. They must be lean and terse. Pithy. 110 pages or less is what's desired in the industry these days. Some managers/producers/agents will not even bother to look at a script that's 120 pages or over! Avoid "novel-like" descriptions. Only write action or what is to be seen on screen. Descriptions, at most, should be three, maybe four line blocks of copy only. Your script should look airy and easy on the eyes. A reader will not want to read huge blocks of copy. Scripts from 10+ years ago are fantastic to read, to enjoy and to learn from, but understand they do not meet expectations of today's market. Most of us are writing spec scripts, right? Some current screenplays you may find from produced films may seem to break this ideal, but those produced scripts may have been written by the director/producer themselves or may have been written on paid assignment -- thus not having to prove worthy of a read to an agent/manager, or even to seek funding. Those things were already in place. We, as spec writers have much more to prove. :) So, remember to "kill your darlings" and cut, cut, cut!

Dan: I thank you for the (sound) advice. I'll print a copy and tape it on the wall in front of me as a constant reminder. I'm already doing much of it; and bringing the page count down to where it will be when it's finished.

LOL! VERY few people have ever seen one, much less know what it is!

If it's not 90-120 pages no one will read it unless your name is Joe Eszterhas.

Editing seems to be a never-ending process!

Tell you another thing that gets me; I write and polish the beat-sheet, making sure everything is in it's logical place, then do a one page synopsis, then tear into the treatment, only some things don't seem to fit, so the synopsis and beat-sheet gets changed. Finally, I start the script, and AGAIN things don't always fit, or aren't logical, according to the beat-sheet or treatment, or can be shown better than I described them - things I can't always point my curser at, rather my gut tells me what is working and what's not. It ends up where, without constant re-writing them, the beat-sheet and synopsis wouldn't jive with the treatment and the treatment wouldn't jive with the script! Grrrrrrrrr..

@Bill. Forgive me, but it sounds like you are overworking things, spinning your wheels. Everyone has their own process -- of course! :) However, if plot points aren't working in a beat sheet, they're not going to work anywhere else. Personally, I stick with a log line, a beat sheet and the script only to figure things out. Once the script is done, then I write a synopsis or treatment if need be. Perhaps pulling in a script consultant at this point would help? Best of luck with your project! :)

LOL! No, in the original draft of the beat sheet and treatment, things seem (to work) okay but when I get to the script and my mind kicks into high gear, I see things differently as it slowly comes to life. In the one I'm working on now, the mother began as a throw-away character in the beat sheet and treatment, but when I started on the script, I saw places where I could use her to advance the story that I hadn't thought of before. Those thoughts caused me to go back and rework the beat sheet and treatment (several times) until now, she's the main supporting character and distinctive in her own right.

Without giving his name, a close friend asked me to edit his script and show "no mercy." Knowing we'd still be friends, I did, and wish I could find somebody to do the same to mine, like: (the caps were in red, the text underlined) ...KAREN Damned shame. (DELETE THIS AND YOU'VE GOT A GREAT SIGHT GAG) It was a good year. ...finds ERIC COLLISON, (NO WAY!) (mid 30s), a handsome charmer wrapped around a treacherous heart, on the... (WE KNOW THIS HOW?) KAREN I'm from the agency, (DELETE) I made your bail. ERIC Which agency? KAREN Ours. You got a coat? (UNNECESSARY) Eric collects his coat. (UNNECESSARY) (I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT ERIC BE - SHOWN - DRUGGED, WHICH MIGHT EXPLAIN HIS STRANGE BEHAVIOR AND SOME OF THE DIALOGUE. ALSO, THE TENSION OF THEIR ESCAPE NEEDS WORK.) Karen tosses her blond wig aside and shakes out her dark hair. (WHY?) She gets her pistol from her purse. (I WOULD THINK SHE'D ALREADY HAVE IT OUT) KAREN Let's get out of this diplomatic brothel as quiet as possible. (NO SHIT!) She tosses the purse (WHY?) and motions him. (TO DO WHAT?)....

Bill, the simpler you make your script the better. Write movies that you like to watch and enjoy. Keep writing.

Maybe? Attach the alternate ending beginning with the page number it would replace and add the heading "ALTERNATE ENDING" as a header before the page number at the top right. It should be only around seven or eight pages and wouldn't push it over the one twenty limit (by weight ;o) ).

Use better words. Screenwriting is like haiku, you have limited words to paint the picture... so you have to find the best ones.

Your comments and suggestions have been very helpful, but may I impose one more time? LOL! Here’s the way I left it – yesterday. INSERT - SERIES OF VARIOUS SCENES A mashup of video clips and sound bites, including.... BUT, could I leave well enough alone? Hell no! I had to mess, and did when I realized I could use it to make a smoother, more logical and in a more dramatic way, transition that sets up the key/major-must-have plot point that immediately follows. Why not? I thought it was rather camp (ordinary) to begin with. Now, OVER those sound bites and video clips (and music, which I just thought of), which makes them secondary, I see her out jogging in the woods near her house, which she’s done before (which provides, in addition to how great she looks in loose fitting shorts and a tee, great visuals to boot – the path, little streams, rock formations, the lake in the BG), the dog, Big Nose, is with her, as always, the tension builds, she gathers speed, running faster and faster, as if desperately trying to escape her problems, only to have it conclude tragically, when…. What/how would/should the header read now, with all that going on in the BG, and say it in a way that won’t confuse the reader or require him or her to think of doing it that way on their own? The only thing that comes to mind is to add a short note, explaining it.

I hate to tell you this Bill but 120pp is considered very long for a script at the moment. I'm a vivid writer myself and even after getting scripts down to this length I've had many a HW reader comment on the high page count. You have to keep in mind you're writing for other creatives, so they really should be able to paint in the blanks themselves. Plus you have to accept that film making is a team process, every specialist brings their own element to the table. My advice is to put that talent you have for description into the feeling and tone of scenes rather than the raw detail of objects and sounds. Most of us don't need to be told what woods are like, but if it's a glorious yet tranquil day and your character is radiating confidence and beauty, that's important.

I often postit my logline to the screen and anything that is not that story gets flushed.