I'm tinkering with a logline. Any input it is greatly appreciated! "After fleeing a dying Earth and moving to a new world controlled entirely by technology, the fate of the people of Pangaea now rests in the unwilling hands of the rebellious retired inventor who created it when that technology begins to fail."
Screenwriting : New Logline Input by Monique McGee
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Try simplifying Earth has to be abandoned for the survival of mankind. Unfortunate for mankind their destination is a world of invented technology that is also failing. Will mankind's resilience shine through? Just suggestions Good Luck with it.
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Two questions: 1. The technology begins to fail just because it's crummy technology? Or there's sabotage involved or something? 2. Who's the main character here? The inventor, or the party (or parties) who's trying to get the inventor's help?
Thanks, Mitchell! @Kerry 1. The characters think the technology is destroying itself which is why they want the inventor to help fix it. They find out later that its because of sabotage. 2. The inventor is really the main character but the people who try to get his help are just as important to the story.
What's the MAIN THING that needs to happen to solve the story problem? The inventor needs to defeat the saboteurs? The citizens need to convince the inventor to help them? Also, I'd mention the sabotage. Maybe you're withholding that lest you give away a twist? I wouldn't. I'd say that the life-sustaining technology of the settlement (or whatever you're calling it) is threatened by sabotage. It's interesting. That's more important than worrying about a spoiler. I also wonder whether you need to open with "After fleeing a dying Earth and moving to a new world..." Is that just backstory? What do the logline police think of starting a logline with something like: "2058. Earth is a dead planet. When saboteurs threaten the life-support system of Pangaea, the solar system's last human settlement, a reclusive inventor must etc etc etc..."
I really like that. So to answer your questions, I actually start by obliterating Earth. Most of my act one is the process of moving everyone from Earth to Pangaea before it happens. The main thing that needs to happen is for the inventor to be convinced to help the government save the world but he is as anti-establishment as it comes.
I'd love to let you read it if you send me your email address. A little backstory on the inventor. He created the technology for a different purpose. It was never meant to create an entire world. The government used his technology without his knowledge. Thats why he is so uninterested in cooperating with them. The "people" are three teenagers, one is his lab assistant, his sister and her best friend. They are the only people who know how to find him because he cloaked his house to avoid the government. The 3 kids are the only reason he came out of hiding to finally help. I think he knew they entire time about the sabotage because without mentioning it, he creates somewhat of a faux-device to throw off the villain while his real device saved the world. So you both think I should drop the part about them leaving Earth before its destroyed? The story actually starts with everyone on Earth before they move.
Interesting story line.... Love it Monique...
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What saves them when the technology fails? Is it the people who fled earth who can show them the old ways of doing before technology ever came into play? Just a thought. You can imagine what would happen should we ever go off the grid, we would all have no choice but to resort to the old ways of doing to survive. Thing is, would we survive...
Smiles.... just a thought.
Technically that is a synopsis and not a logline, as it does not contain MOTIVATION of the protagonist. Hit me up if you want clarification on that.
I think it would be much better if you can get the protagonist named in there, and make it personal. Is there a hero of the story?
Janet: You hit the nail on the head. In my story the food and water supplies are connected to the grid so when the technology starts to fail, they either have to figure out how to go old school or die. Rich: I'm going to shoot you a message about that Alle: I sent the 5 pages to you. I appreciate all of your comments!
Brilliant............. smiles... good one.
That scenario is a one that the planet could face one of these days... and going back to do the old school would be the only saving for mankind.... well done you.... would love to read a few pages now....