I have a high concept logline that I've been using, but I've started doubting myself and tried to write a more standard logline. Problem is, it's much longer. This might just be my inexperience showing though. If anyone has a quick moment to glance at these two loglines and tell me what you think, I would be very grateful for your time and help :) The title is 'The Third Bomb' HIGH CONCEPT- In the final days of WWII, when a top U.S. pilot crash-lands in Japanese territory, he must stop a disgraced enemy commander from discovering his secret cargo -- the third atomic bomb. STANDARD LOGLINE- A by-the-book WWII pilot has orders to manually detonate his atomic bomb after crash-landing on a Japanese island but, when he’s captured by a disgraced enemy commander intent on using the bomb and thrown into a prison full of POWs, he must put humanity before duty if any of them are to escape the island alive. Thanks to anyone and everyone for helping out a newbie :)
Screenwriting : High Concept logline vs Standard logline by Phil Parker
High Concept logline vs Standard logline
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the second one can be tightened a bit but I actually think both are solid loglines !
Thanks Danny for your feedback. Much appreciated!
One is my preference as it's tighter. Two seems like something you might lead with for a one or two minute pitch. I'm guessing 2 could also go like, Surviving a crash landing a WWII POW pilot now must stop an enemy commander from using the third atomic bomb at home.
thank you guys again for your feedback. Every bit helps!
Hi Phillip, Does "The Third Bomb" evoke interest? It's good to run a list of idea titles e.g., "After Nagasaki," or "Fallen Cause," or "Lives in the Balance," etc., to jog your creative powers. For the logline, it's good to keep the secret secret. For example: "When a downed American pilot is captured by the Japanese at the end of WWII, he must thwart a Japanese P.O.W. Commander from discovering the weapon Allies fear most." Build intrigue. Good luck and hit it out of the park!