It sounds beautiful!

@LeonardoRamirez Thank you so much ~ Shouldn't it be a bit shorter?

This sounds like a really unique Romance Drama, Milica A.. I would definitely watch this.

I think your logline needs some work. Here’s a logline template that might help:

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes).”

Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.

Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.

Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.

Example #1:

“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”

Example #2:

“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”

NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.

Hope this helps.

Maurice Vaughan Thank you so much for the help! It is very needed. :)

Maurice Vaughan Why should we avoid using names in a logline?

You're welcome, Milica A.. An adjective and the protagonist's position/roles sound better to producers, production companies, executives, etc. than names. Plus, when you use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role, you give the producer, production company, etc. insight into the protagonist. Something you can't do with a name.

Maurice Vaughan But can we put an adjective and a name, as I did ~ Unhappy, but carrying Soleil...? Perhaps I could use some other adjective, but you get my point?

Milica A. Sorry that I didn't see your question and I got caught up in work. Your hunch is absolutely right in that (like Maurice said) loglines should be one or two sentences. In addition to what he mentioned, I think of it as an "elevator pitch". If you were in an elevator and a producer got in, there should be one sentence that explains it all between floors so that by the time the producer gets off the car, he/she is wowed by your premise which contains all of the elements Maurice mentioned.

Maurice Vaughan I'll try to write another logline tomorrow... I already think this one is way too long. But I fell in love with it, so it is hard to let go! Tomorrow! Thank you... :)

Leonardo Ramirez I'll try to write another one tomorrow ~ Hope you'll be able to revise it! Thank you for the help! :)

Leonardo Ramirez I haven't asked you really ~ Did you read the whole story or just the logline?

You're welcome, Milica A.. You can put an adjective and a name, but I don't think an adjective and a name have the same impactful as an adjective and the protagonist's position/role.

Maurice Vaughan Yes, I do get what you're trying to say... Thank you! Better luck tomorrow... :)

Maurice Vaughan I often wondered why some of my favorite movies have an adjective and a name in their logline (example: Amelie). Why did it work for them? What is your opinion?

Milica A. I think bigger movies and shows have names in their loglines because they're based on IP (books, newspaper articles, video games, etc.), people's lives, and real-life events, so the audience knows the characters.

Maurice Vaughan But no one knew about Amelie and her story before the movie was made...?

Maurice Vaughan Leonardo Ramirez I wrote two more loglines. Tell me what you think about their structure -

1.) After unexpected and intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy, yet caring 1940s housewife in rural France, she goes through introspection and eventually discovers what true love means by meeting a whimsical artist.

2.) An unhappy, yet caring housewife in 1940s rural France unexpectedly meets a whimsical artist. She goes on a journey of self-discovery but eventually discovers what true love is.

I will tweak it, I just need to know if this is better... I really don't like the "housewife" because the whole story and the protagonist sound very common, and nothing about this story is common... So I'm not sure how to change that part...

I know about the "Amélie" movie, Milica A., but I don't know much about its history. Maybe the producers, the marketing department, or someone thought it was better to use her name in the logline.

Maurice Vaughan Can a logline change when the movie is made?

Those loglines are better, Milica A., but I think they need some work. How about this logline: "After unexpected and intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy 1940s housewife in rural France, she meets a whimsical artist and goes on a journey of self-discovery, eventually discovering what true love is."

Milica A. Yes, a logline can change when the movie is made. Sometimes my loglines change as I pitch my scripts.

Milica A. I only read the logline. I can read the screenplay - just won't be able to get to it today. I did read your logline rewrites and they're better but they can still be shorter. Question: is there a specific goal or conflict in the story that could be mentioned? Stakes? What does she stand to lose if she doesn't discover what true love is? Here's an example drawing from Maurice's suggestion: "After unexpected and intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy 1940s French woman (artist instead of 'woman'? what does she do?), she must go on a journey of self-discovery to discover what true love is before (insert stakes here). The stakes could be something like..1) loses all hope to live 2) loses her gift of... 3) makes a devastating choice.

In other words, there has to be fear of loss which raises tension.

Hope that helps.

Maurice Vaughan Yes, but she can't be just unhappy, because she's kind to everyone around her and finds joy in little things... Yes, I will have to work on it more... I like how you changed it, but I still don't like the "housewife"... Thank you! :)

Leonardo Ramirez Before she loses herself...All hope to live...Yes. I will spend my time pondering... Thank you, Leonardo!

Milica A. I would listen to your gut regarding "housewife" and consider changing that to her occupation or interest if she has one. Something like, "artist" or whatever she does even if it's a hobby.

You're welcome, Milica A.. It's important to only focus on a protagonist's main adjective in the logline (the adjective that defines the character the most/the adjective that most of the story is based around). If "kind" is your protagonist's main adjective, you should use it.

Maurice Vaughan Leonardo Ramirez Thank you so much for your time and effort! You both helped me a lot and made me feel welcome. If I have some questions regarding this business we're all in, can I contact you through Stage32 Messages? :)

Milica A. I will say that Maurice is a bit more experienced in this arena than I but you are always welcome! Consider posting them first because there are others who have wonderful input. Phillip "Uncle Phil" Hardy is fantastic as well! https://www.stage32.com/phillipehardy

Leonardo Ramirez Of course! Thank you again! :) Good night for now! Thank you for the lovely day.

Milica: Maurice is on the right track with the briefer logline. I wouldn't say unexpected and intriguing events. Say exactly what those events are, e.g., After her husband is killed or Upon losing her home. Do you follow? I will look at the first few pages of your script and give you some feedback.

Also, here is a brief logline lesson:

For many writers, loglines are a serious challenge. Think of your logline the same way you would if you were trying to craft a hit song. You have limited time to grab someone's attention.

To get a producer/actor/agent to read your script, crafting a good logline is the first step. If your logline is bland, why would anybody want to read your synopsis, let alone your screenplay?

When you write your logline, a good rule of thumb includes protagonist, antagonist, obstacles, and challenges. Then summarize your story in a sentence or two.

Examine this logline from the classic film The Sweet Smell of Success

A press agent, hungry to get ahead, is pushed by a ruthless columnist to do cruel, evil things and is eventually caught in the web of lies that he has created.

1) The logline is 32 words and is stated in a high-concept sentence.

2) It identifies the press agent, a damaged protagonist controlled by the antagonist, a ruthless columnist.

3) The logline informs the reader of the consequences of the protagonist's actions.

Milica: Whops! I thought you posted your screenplay. If you want me to have a look, you can email the first ten pages at phillip_hrdy@yahoo.com

You're welcome, Milica A..

Leonardo and Phillip gave you some great help. I'm sure you're going to craft a great logline.

Yes, feel free to message me with questions about screenwriting and the film industry.

Thanks Maurice Vaughan .

Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal" Thank you for the advice! I thought I did post it...

Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal" I did put it here, but can't find it now. I sent you the whole screenplay, because I couldn't send only ten pages. But you don't need to download it in order to read it.

Maurice Vaughan Thank you so much, Maurice!

Can someone explain how do we post a screenplay here - I didn't think about it that much before, but is it safe to do so?

Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal" I can't say what those events are because there are numerous events that happen every time a south wind blows (The wind brings a change in the life of my protagonist). It's very subtle.

Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal" Maurice Vaughan Leonardo Ramirez It is not a typical story you'd expect, so it's really hard to write a sentence or two and not make it plain. I feel like I'm being robotic trying to write a perfect logline with this many words, and that many adjectives... The story is losing its charm, and I don't know what to do. The story is so dear to me, I am always afraid I am not doing the best for it, whatever that be//

This is my favorite:

After unexpected and intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy, yet caring 1940s young woman in rural France, she goes through introspection by meeting a whimsical artist.

And I don't know how to make it shorter, because everything I said, and how I said here is important.

The feeling when I read it reminded me of "Edward Scissorhands" logline:

An artificial man, who was incompletely constructed and has scissors for hands, leads a solitary life. Then one day, a suburban lady meets him and introduces him to her world.

Milica A. The one thing about the Edward Scissorhands logline is that there's a catalyst stated that culminates in an implied character arc for Edward which is stated in the logline ("introduces him to her world"). That doesn't exist in your logline. You can state the arc without stating it. Your catalyst is there but we're not told what occurs after she goes on a journey of introspection. Whatever that is would be the character arc.

How about: "After an unexpected turn of intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy, yet caring young woman in 1940s rural France, a chance meeting with a whimsical artist sends her on a journey of introspection...to find hope again." Here, we know where she ends up but we don't know how which is fine.

You're welcome, Milica A..

Your script is posted on this page. I checked. Yes, it's safe to post scripts on Stage 32. I post my scripts when I post my loglines and synopses.

I like where Leonardo Ramirez is going with his logline suggestion: "After an unexpected turn of intriguing events enter the life of an unhappy, yet caring young woman in 1940s rural France, a chance meeting with a whimsical artist sends her on a journey of introspection...to find hope again."

Loglines take a lot of work, Milica A.. Keep working on it. You'll get there.

You're welcome, Leonardo Ramirez.

Leonardo Ramirez Isn't the catalyst 'an artist' ~ who makes her go through transition? "she goes through introspection by meeting a whimsical artist."? What I meant when I said it 'sounds' similar to "Edward Scissorhands" is the overall feeling of the logline, or to be more precise ~ the ending. In both of the examples, we don't know how it's going to end, and I like that. I wouldn't agree with you - We are also not told what occurs after "she introduces him into the world"? Right? I must say your logline suggestion sounds very appealing and it is closest to the core of the story... I am just curious ~ Why do we need to know where the character ends up? We don't know what Edward will even go through, let alone how will he end up.

Maurice Vaughan What would you say about other "places". Would it be safe to send a screenplay to someone by e-mail, or to send it to a contest, if it's not copyrighted? Maybe the wisest thing would do to copyright a script? I read that we should file an official copyright application with the US Copyright Office, and no other. It is kind of hard to navigate through the website. I also have another question. Since I am from another country, should I just like everyone else copyright my scripts with the US Copyright Office? Thank you for the time, both of you ~ Leonardo Ramirez !

Milica A. Let me rephrase that. We don't need to know "exactly" where the character ends up. We simply need to know what the goal is or at least, an implication of what the goal is for the main character. Is it to find hope? Meaning? Whatever it is, give the people you are pitching to and indicator of what the goal is. The logline is primarily for pitching, not always for an audience. The marketing people come up with tag lines and log lines for the audience. Keep your producer/agent in mind when creating these. And you're right, the catalyst is meeting the artist. Meeting the artist is what sends her on the journey.

Leonardo Ramirez I find it absolutely exhausting doing something as unnatural as writing a "perfect" logline; So much to think about, why did they make it so complicated? It's a feeling that you follow. The moment I read a logline, whether it's short, long, or whatever, I know exactly if the movie is going to be great if the writer/director has a heart and story to tell. It's so simple, and it has nothing to do with the norms.

Leonardo Ramirez Maurice Vaughan How do you write a synopsis now? I actually never heard about it before, nor have I ever read any. I've seen a couple of them. Why do they look different from one another? What is the correct way to write them?

Also - Should I use my real (legal) name, or can I use my pseudonym on my scripts?

Milica A. You said, "I read that we should file an official copyright application with the US Copyright Office, and no other." Yes to all of that. I only register my scripts with the U.S. Copyright Office.

The U.S. Copyright Office website is difficult to navigate. You can register a script with the U.S. Copyright Office if you live outside of the U.S. When I have a question about copyright or the U.S. Copyright Office, I call them to find out the answer. Their contact information is at the bottom of the website (https://www.copyright.gov/registration/).

When you write a synopsis, only include the main events/key events of the story. I like to write a short synopsis and a full synopsis for a script. You can see examples here: https://www.stage32.com/profile/811418/Screenplay/Escape-the-House

You said, "Also - Should I use my real (legal) name, or can I use my pseudonym on my scripts?" I only use my real name. I know writers who use pseudonym names, but I'm not sure what the process of using pseudonym names is.

Maurice Vaughan Thank you Maurice! So before sending the screenplay to a contest, or a manager, I have to copyright my work?

I gave you a three to inspire you to improve it but personally, I would rank it a 5. Hope that makes sense.

Milica A. Maurice gives some really good advice on copyright and synopsis. If it were me, I would get the copyright before sending it out.

You're welcome, Milica A..

You said, "So before sending the screenplay to a contest, or a manager, I have to copyright my work?" Your work is copyrighted as soon as you write it, so you don't need to copyright your work with the U.S. Copyright Office. You need to register your work with the U.S. Copyright Office. So, yes, I suggest you register your script before sending it to a contest, or to a manager, producer, etc.

Here's a recent blog about how to protect your script from theft: https://www.stage32.com/blog/how-to-protect-your-script-from-theft-3210

Maurice Vaughan Thank you, Maurice! :)