THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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NIGHT BIRD
By Jelica Zdravković
The will of his late father sends Alex careening down a mission of justice to avenge his mother's death. But Alex doesn’t realize that his father’s account of previous events aren’t exactly accurate, and that he might just be turning into the monster that he’s chasing.
SYNOPSIS:
Alex's father is everything. Smart, talented, honest, the best father he could ever ask for. Alex is none of those things, a failure, with a drinking problem. After his father leaves him a tape with a last wish, telling him to kill the man who destroyed their family, Alex can't turn it down. He decides to leave his wife and daugter in order to make his father proud for the first time.
On the journey, he will learn why you should never idolize someone so much to the point where you forget who you are.
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1 person likes this
I'm confused by "After his father leaves a posthumous note that reveals the reason for his mother's suicide," Jelica Zdravković. Did both of the parents commit suicide?
Mother committed suicide when the main character, Alex, was 5 years old. Alex never understood why she did it, until his father passed away 30 years later, leaving him a note.
Sorry if that was not clear.
1 person likes this
Ok, I see, Jelica Zdravković. I think the second part of the logline needs a little work. Something like: "After his father leaves a posthumous note that reveals the reason for his mother's suicide, an alcoholic takes justice into his own hands and searches for the man who caused his family tragedy."
1 person likes this
Maurice Vaughan thank you for commenting, I appreciate it.
I'll see what I can do to make it better.
You're welcome, Jelica Zdravković. Let me know when you rewrite your logline. I'll give you feedback. And maybe use some of this in your logline (not all of it -- you don't want your logline to be too long): "After his father leaves him a tape with a last wish, telling him to kill the man who destroyed their family, Alex can't turn it down. He decides to leave his wife and daughter in order to make his father proud for the first time."
2 people like this
Just focusing on the logline for a moment -
1) Don't use the protagonist's name, it doesn't tell us as much as their strength/flaw (e.g. ambitious detective or paranoid novelist).
2) Consider shortening the opening - we don't need to know HOW he learned of his mother's suicide, but we DO need to know WHY that information sets in motion the protagonist's new actions. (e.g. "After learning his mother's suicide was actually a murder...")
3) Get really specific about what actions your main character takes as that is the bedrock of your entire plot - "takes justice into his own hands" can mean anything from he investigates the murderer to he kills the murderer to he becomes a crime-fighting vigilante.
4) Make sure you include the STAKES: You can probably keep the goal as "to find the man who caused his family tragedy", although "caused his family tragedy" is too broad for my tastes, BUT consider adding the stakes at the end (e.g. "to find the man who caused his family tragedy before his children are next" or "in order to save his kidnapped wife" or "to clear his father's name").