Here’s a logline template that might help, Kevin Oye:

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”

Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.

Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.

Example #1:

“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”

Example #2:

“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”

NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The pilot logline and episode loglines for a TV show might not follow this template, but the series logline could.

thanks Tasha Lewis 2 . anything catch your eye about it? It is a work in progress and I am a complete newbie.

thanks Maurice Vaughan . is my logline ok? I feel it gets to the point and a reader will get it?

Maurice Vaughan going to re-write that log line with some of your pointers. I see where this is going, although I still think the one I have gets to the point and is understandable on what may come next? no?

You're welcome, Kevin. I think your logline is too long (50 words), and I think it needs a better flow. Try to keep your logline at 35 words or less. That's not a rule though. You just want to get your point across to a producer, director, agent, etc. as quickly as possible with your logline, and a shorter logline does that.

ok Maurice Vaughan will work on it.

Your welcome! You don’t write like a newbie. Your writing is direct and to the point. It’s high concept and seems like it might be binge worthy. Definitely relatable. Relatable characterizations

thanks for your words Tasha Lewis 2. Truly makes me want to march on. I changed up the logline a tad. was given some needed comments that it was a little long. I think it still narrows it down?

Maurice Vaughan changed up the logline. alot shorter and I think it still conveys the same subject.

The logline is getting better, Kevin Oye. I think it still needs some work though.

Here's a logline suggestion, but I don't know the full story: "During a trip to an old family cabin (????) in Northern, Ontario, a _______ (adjective) _________ (the protagonist's position/role instead of "man" -- position/role like "detective," "lawyer," etc.) becomes plagued with terrifying events from his childhood and vows to find the truth behind what he witnessed __________ (the stakes/why he wants to find the truth)."

Maurice Vaughan i get your additions, but with that added, is it not getting to wordy? He is at the cabin already and it is not a family trip. the whole thing would start with him there already, and then we get flashbacks to what leads him there and the present day

What's the inciting incident of the story, Kevin Oye? When he becomes plagued with the terrifying events from childhood? You could put that at the start of the logline instead of "During a trip to an old family cabin in Northern, Ontario."

So, "After becoming plagued with terrifying events from his childhood, an Ontarian _________ (the protagonist's position/role instead of "man" -- position/role like "detective," "lawyer," etc.) vows to find the truth behind what he witnessed in order to/so __________ (the stakes/why he wants to find the truth)."

By putting becomes plagued with terrifying events from his childhood at the start of the logline, you can add the stakes at the end without making the logline too wordy. You might be able to add "Deep in the woods" without making the logline too wordy, but that depends on how many words the stakes will be.

Basically, for now......

When the main character was a boy the family would go to this really remote location on their seasonal trip. The last time he was there, they went on a hike and the family was attacked by something unknown. He is a boy and he takes off. The father, mother and sister vanish without a trace. that is where this is leading too right now

the piece would open up with him at the log cabin, already fully into what he is doing and we go into a flashback of the events that have occurred over the years that lead him back there where we will catch up to his story.

I am thinking either TV show or feature? I will need feedback on that.

I am a newbie and kind of worried that my idea will get taken. Does this happen? I don't know anyone. Don't know you, but I think there is trust there cause of your participation and advice and help for others.

I know I would not steal an idea and would praise the person if I saw and liked it. But that is me.

Anyways.....the idea is so new right now, but every day I am coming up with ideas and this thing is starting to get out of hand. lol

Also working on 2 other log lines that should be up soon.

I am a Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Horror nut, but I love all the genres

Also thinking of a comedy series that takes place at a local GYM.

thanks for all your help Maurice Vaughan

thanks again Tasha Lewis 2 I was truly thinking series cause there is so much to tell and I do not think a feature will tell it all. So much is going to happen to this poor kid from the day of the incident to present.

"Finding the truth" It's always a very intriguing beginning and so many things can happen in such settings, you want to know more about the plot!

thanks Nate Rymer any thoughts you want to add?

thanks Stephanie Munch still a work in progress of course, but I think it gets the message across?

Hi Kevin - I would suggest giving a hint of the horrifying events that have shaped your protagonist's mindset and central goal, and use dynamic language to enhance the danger of the woods (if that's where your central threat/conflict will take place - hope this helps! :)

You’re welcome, Kevin Oye. I think it would be better if your script didn’t open with him in the cabin, because you need an inciting incident (the event that sets the plot in motion/the event that gets him to the cabin so he can find the truth behind what he witnessed as a child).

Do you think your idea would be better as a feature film or a series? Also, do you think you can tell the full story in one feature, or do you think you need multiple seasons to tell the idea?

I don’t know of anyone stealing ideas or scripts on Stage 32. I doubt anyone has. It’s cheaper (and a lot less headaches/problems) to buy a script than steal it. You can’t register ideas, but you can register scripts, show bibles, treatments, etc. with the U.S. Copyright Office. I suggest registering your projects with the Copyright Office:

www.stage32.com/blog/how-to-protect-your-script-from-theft-3210

www.stage32.com/lounge/playwriting/Always-register-works-of-performing-a...