I'm sure you've written a very good book and you can make a great movie based on it. But I have a couple of comments.

Firstly, too many events are supposed to happen over a long period of time, but you can't show so much in 90 minutes.

Secondly, I did not see any excuses for creating historical scenery, and this is an extra cost. This plot can be shown in a modern setting.

Third, the presentation of the story. It's too obvious a reference to the Bible and the disabled hero is like a lame one-legged dog to squeeze out pity. You won't sell this to me.

I would promote the story as a problem of assimilation of a family of extraterrestrial migrants in a small American town. A spin-off of the movie Men in Black.

@Arthur Carpentier,

I really appreciate your comments. Too many things happening is bothering me, too! (even if it's a feature, and not a pilot).

Concern about the historical setting. Yeah, I know. The story must take place when medical care isn't readily available, and superstitions and narrow-mindedness are rampant.

The trouble with the word "extraterrestrial" is that it raises sci-fi expectations, whereas this is a fantasy, What would you call celestial beings who incarnate as humans?

The disabled hero is meant to subvert everyone's expectations. As he masters his own dual nature, he heals himself. I wonder if I can do this without stirring up pity?

Thank you kindly for your brilliant comments!

@Michael W. Orick,

Thank you so much for entering into the conversation. I really value your input.

You know, I am struggling with how the define the "other-worldly" characters. In the book, they refer to themselves as divine messengers, peacekeepers, or Light-Eaters. Time-travelers doesn't work because they are supernaturals who come to Earth by portal (an opening in space or time that connects travelers to distant realms or other dimensions).

The word "extraterrestrial" raises sci-fi expectations. But this is fantasy. Themes relate to family, belonging, coming of age, spiritual awakening. I guess the question relates to role. What would you call the role of a highly advanced being who incarnates as a human in order to awaken humans? Star child? Wayshower? Avatar? I surely can't use avatar because of Cameron's films.

I coined the term "halfkin" to describe the main character whose mom was a Light-Eater, and dad a human. Like the word "hobbit" I was hoping that "Light-Eaters" would define his mom's genial, human-like race with supernatural abilities..

I'm open to your ideas! Thank you!

Michael W. Orick Okay. Thank you, Michael. I'll keep working at it.

Robin Gregory,

cinema is a visual art. and in fantasy, the image of the characters is more important than the plot. I think you can't sell a disabled hero to fantasy viewers.

think about replacing the disability with the physical features of his fantasy race. thus, you will endow the hero with a dilemma - he wants to be human, but does not want to give up his past extraterrestrial origin. external differences prevent the hero from assimilating and cause xenophobia among people. by doing this, you will solve two problems, create an unusual hero and be able to transfer the action of the plot to the modern world.

@Nate Rymer @Efrain Perez, @Marcos Fizzotti, @Maurice Vaughan, I really appreciate the positive feedback. Many thanks.

Arthur Charpentier, Interesting ideas. Thank you! I'm not sure I can agree with you. Many film heroes have disabilities. You can use Google to find lists of them. I'll think about giving him another distinctive feature. What makes me hesitate? At that time in America, being of mixed heritage, having features that resembled Native Americans (or any non-white ethnicity) was enough to cause intolerance. Another reason why I chose the period.

Nate Rymer and Efrain Perez , Thank you kindly for the positive votes!

@Maurice Vaughan and @Marcos Fizzotti, Though you are part of my network, I can't get your names highlighted.

Robin Gregory,

fantasy viewers are indifferent to ideology, the experience of superhero films has proved this. in fantasy, cool heroes are important, as well as exciting adventures. In any case, I wish you good luck.

Jai Cullen Thank you kindly for the boost of support!

I so appreciate your rating Laura Hamlet !

That is a very cool story/synopsis Robin. Feels balanced.

Found two things in your SYNOPSIS:

1. Henry takes Moojie him (first paragraph)

2. ...he Moojie ( last paragraph)

OVERVIEW

Maybe put the TITLES in overview between double quotation marks; makes things clearer but not sure it ruins the flow.

Rutger Oosterhoff You are so kind to help me make this better, I so appreciate your input!

You're welcome.

Love the premise and believe a protagonist w/disability absolutely works if it elevates the connection we develop with the character. My only suggestion would be to take another look at the synopsis and try to distill it down to more of an essential summary of the story. Logline is solid. Lots of good potential here!

Thank you kindly for the high rating, kudos, and suggestions Sarah Kennedy. I'll take another look at the synopsis. It's one of the hardest things for me to write!

Hey Rutger Oosterhoff, you are an angel to offer suggestions and come back for another look. A 5-star rating makes it feel like I'm making progress, little by little. Thank you kindly.

Thank you kindly Sarah Kennedy for the excellent feedback. I revised according to your suggestions, trying to keep closer to the essentials of the 3-Act format. Maybe this synopsis works better.

@GloireMartins, I so much appreciate your vote of confidence. Thank you!

Thank you for your input, Efrain Perez and Jae Taylor. I'm open to your suggestions.

Jae Taylor , I appreciate you stopping by to take a look and respond!

John Richard Sullivan, Thank you so much for the vote of support!

Hey @Dartel McRae, Thank you kindly for coming by and for the super support!

Thank you kindly for the vote of support, Jim Boston! I've been rehashing this logline for months!

Hey Michael David Thank you so much for coming by and lending your support. I'm thrilled that you approve!

Hey Kevin Johnson, thank you kindly for stopping by to comment. I really appreciate the support!

@Claude Gagne, J'aime votre façon de penser!

Hey Nate Rymer I'm so grateful and thrilled that you came to offer support! Your score means the world to me. Maybe I'm not so crazy after all. Ha! I hope you are happy & inspired by your projects.

I agree that too many things are happening... Best to thin it out a bit. Simple is better I would replace "redneck" with "country"

Hey Hawk Younkins I really appreciate you stopping by to share an opinion. Please let me know how I can support you!

Your logline is perfect. Your synopsis has a lot of details.

Hey @Jason Sacchi. Thank you so much for coming by to comment. Your support and positive comment made my day!

Wow! I never would have thought of this in a million years. LOL. Excellent idea and it sounds very interesting.

David Dicaire , Ha! Yeah, I'm a bit nutty! Thank you so much for the super rating. I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to lend support.

Not a problem. Anytime. I wouldn't say nutty, I would say gifted, imaginative, and perceptive.

How kind of you. That means the world to me. Thank you, thank you :-).

Thank you kindly, Nathaniel Baker and Mariia Rudenko for stopping by to lend support. Your high assessment of my logline is deeply appreciated.