Interesting concept, Mike Rembis. Your logline is just the setup. What's the story goal (what happens after they land on the planet)? And what's the stakes (what happens if they don't accomplish the story goal)?

Thanks Maurice. I edited this logline to make it clearer, and now it is twice as long as before, but that's how it goes. The story is all about survival and the choices made in space. Will they make the right choice and survive, or not? You don't find out until the end.

You're welcome, Mike Rembis. Yeah, the new logline is really long (50 words). I suggest keeping your logline to 35 words or less.

Here’s a logline template that might help:

“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw that the main character has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the main character’s personality) _______ (the main character’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (the main flaw that the main character has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the main character’s personality) _______ (the main character’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”

And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).

If Maurice likes this, it's gotta be good!

He's right about your logline. I try to think of mine as Haiku.

Life or death. Do higher stakes exist? Love to get feedback from screenplay readers.

Certainly interesting Mike Rembis!