THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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WORKING TITLE
By John Scimeca
Nathan, a screenwriter turned celebrity reporter, assists a newbie police detective in investigating the disappearances of prominent Hollywood literary agents, unaware that he is also a suspect.
SYNOPSIS:
Nathan reports spotting the dead body of a neighbor outside his apartment. The police investigate but find the body and all evidence gone. He is questioned by a black female detective recently transferred from Oakland PD. Nathan makes one foolish decision after another and soon is facing the Detective's handgun as he is caught snooping inside the missing man's apartment. A discovery he made there drives Nathan and the detective down a path to learn the truth of what's happening...
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3 people like this
Although my interest is awakened, I can't rate this logline, it's just too incomplete...
1 person likes this
Thanks, Rutger. I struggle with loglines! This is the first of I'm sure many rewrites...
2 people like this
No problem, John. I had a lot of help with most of my loglines to, always room for improvement. Take it stap by step. Cheers, Rutger
2 people like this
Yes, already better, but now it reads like an ultra short synopsis. I also feel that "They are befuddled by the apparent lack of interest from the media, police brass or industry insiders." doesn't belongs in the logline but is part of the story ....but maybe I'm wrong.
Could be a good idea to post a 2 page synopsis after which we have an other look at the logline. Then there's more to go from.
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2 people like this
Here’s a logline template that might help, John Scimeca:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
1 person likes this
Thanks again, Maurice! I keep mixing log lines with tag lines. One day I may just get this right…
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Rated this logline
1 person likes this
This is much, much better, and there is irony, a huge plus. I read that the inciting incident is at the end of the logline. That's fine! In front it would read like: "After the disappearances of prominent Hollywood literary agents,..."
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1 person likes this
You're welcome, John Scimeca. A tagline is what you see on a movie poster, TV poster, etc.