Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
When you're stuck in an environment that's working against you, either you become a product of it. Or do what it takes to change it.
SYNOPSIS:
Dear St. Louis follows the story of aspiring writer Junior Scott. A college dropout who lives in the negative, violent, and murder capital of the United States St. Louis, Missouri. Everything is going wrong for him and the more he tries to escape this reality, the more it seems like St. Louis doesn't want him to leave. His mental health deteriorates as he watches everyone and every opportunity leave his life. Through comedy, hip hop, Blues, and showtunes this musical will show how a man suffering in silence has to force himself to rise or be his own demise.
2 people like this
This story deals with really important topics, Lee Russell. I like the title! It's catchy.
I think your logline is more of a tagline (a great tagline!). Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
Hey Lee Russell I think you're onto something, but the specifics could be made more clear with what Maurice Vaughan suggested. I took Christopher Lockhart's webinar. It was really helpful. He gave me specific pointers.
This template is very helpful I don't think I've ever seen it before! I think you're absolutely right in your suggestion. It can be stronger and definitely needs some cleaning up on it.