THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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THE SANTUCCI OUT-LAWS
By Patrice Sarath

GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE:

When the youngest Santucci sister brings home her new boyfriend, he wreaks havoc on the close-knit Italian family, threatening the tight-fisted hold the oldest sister has over the family.

SYNOPSIS:

When Maisie Santucci, the youngest sister of the Santucci clan, brings her fiance to Sunday dinner, he alienates everyone. Oldest sister Julie tells her husband Cal, get rid of the new guy.

Cal pushes back. Maisie has done this before to get a rise out of Julie, and none of these boyfriends have lasted.

Julie says she has a bad feeling about this one. As the oldest daughter of the late Edith and Frank Santucci, Julie takes her role as family matriarch seriously.

When the family gets together at the hockey game for Cal and Julie’s oldest daughter, New Guy starts a fight with the Mahoney family. The Santucci husbands get whupped.

Julie is furious. And when Julie’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy.

So Cal agrees. New Guy has to go. He and his fellow Santucci brothers-in-law hatch a plan: take New Guy to a strip club, put him in a compromising position with a dancer, take photos, and send the evidence to Maisie.

Instead, it’s Cal who ends up on TikTok getting the world’s most humiliating lapdance.

Now Cal has to do something. Cal tells New Guy that Maisie doesn’t love him and to go away. New Guy is devastated. Cal feels like a heel.

At the next Sunday dinner, Maisie shows up, livid at Julie and Cal. The other sisters also chafe under Julie’s iron rule. There’s a huge family fight.

The next Sunday, no one comes to the house except for Maisie. She and Julie clear the air. They go out for a drive, and see one of the Mahoneys from the big hockey fight.

They buy eggs and toilet paper and egg and TP the Mahoney house. They bond over their mischief, and Julie tells Maisie that if she wants to marry New Guy, Julie won’t stand in her way.

Since it looks like New Guy is going to stick around, the husbands invite him out for a bachelor party.

At the bar, New Guy sees Henry’s tattoo of the Screaming Eagle. He shows Henry his own tattoo of the Screaming Eagle, but it’s a fake. Henry is furious.

Then the Mahoneys come in.

And in that moment, the New Guy and the Santucci out-laws come together and they fight their old foes. This time they win, but they all end up in jail.

While waiting for their wives to bail them out, Cal and New Guy bond. Cal agrees to be New Guy’s best man.

At the wedding, New Guy and Cal and the priest are waiting at the altar. But Maisie never comes.

Instead, she gets into her car and drives away, wearing her wedding dress, singing Britney Spears’ Ooops I Did it Again.

Tasha Lewis

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