This sounds interesting, Emanuele Vergari. I think your logline needs some more info though. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.

Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.

I put the idea of an advertising campaign in the foreground, not the story of a character, but what you suggest makes me think that I could humanise the advertising proposal by combining the product with a personal need of the young athlete, for whom the difficulty of the gymnastic exercise represents a challenge to overcome a great limitation, which may be internal or external.

Have you read the script? Does the formatting seem correct to you?

Thank you for your attention and if you have any comments, please let me know.

You're welcome, Emanuele Vergari. I'm about to read the script. I'll let you know what I think about the formatting.

I just read your script, Emanuele Vergari. The formatting is fine. Really nice job on the script! I could visualize the action.

Here’s a few notes/suggestions:

You don’t have to number the scenes since this is a spec script. Scene numbers are for production scripts.

The first action line says, “A pair of smartly dressed PARENTS (40) walked briskly with their SON (7) in the middle of a queue of SPECTATORS waiting to get in at the entrances.” Change “walked” to “walks.”

The second action line on page one (inside the stadium) says, "They stopped in awe." Change “stopped” to “stop.”

You only need to capitalize a character’s name when you first introduce them in a script.

Near the bottom of page one, it says, “The SON pulls on his mother's dress, stretches out his arm and points to one end of the platform with his finger.” You wrote “points to one end,” so you don’t need “with his finger.” We know he’s using his finger to point.

On page two (toward the middle), you wrote “The car's engine revs and the wheels begin to turn” and “The GIRL rises to her feet and begins to run.” You don’t have to put “begin” in action lines. You can just write the action. Like: “The car's engine revs and the wheels turn.”

Hello thank you for your time you have given me. I will make within a few days the changes you suggested very helpful and then republish logline, synopsis and script.

You're welcome, Emanuele Vergari. Ok, great. I hope a car manufacturer or company buys and makes this script!

Wow, Maurice Vaughan! Such great feedback. I did notice a few grammar fixes too. In this sentence, I noticed 'walks' was suggested, but since 'parents' is the focus, 'walk' might sound more natural. What do you think? The first action line says, “A pair of smartly dressed PARENTS (40) walked briskly with their SON (7) in the middle of a queue of SPECTATORS waiting to get in at the entrances.”

For this sentence, Her face is tense, her eyes looking straight ahead in one direction. Consider, “Her face is tense, her eyes fixed straight ahead.

For this sentence, "The stadium is in the shape of the ancient Circus Maximus of Imperial Rome. The lights left the whole stadium in semidarkness.” Change “left” to “leave"

For this sentence, "All the audience stood up and continued to applaud.” Consider changing to “The entire audience rises, clapping and cheering."

Overall, Emanuele Vergari I really liked this. It would be fun to watch :)

Thanks, @Kat.

Thanks to Kat Spencer e thanks to Maurice Vaughan For your helpful suggestions. :-)

You're welcome, Emanuele Vergari.

Thanks @Tasha Lewis

hi Nate Rymer and Charmane Wedderburn thank you for your evaluation. can i have your comment, short note. thank you for your attention.

hi Tasha Lewis thank you for your assessment. can I also have a comment from you, a short note. hello and thank you

"AUTOMACHIA" This sounds interesting, but I thimk the logline needs more info. Just Like Maurice Vauhan mentioned.

Hi, Charmane Wedderburn thanks for the suggestion. I corrected the logline one or two days ago, I don't know if you've read the new version. If you have time to take a look, I’d really appreciate it

You're welcome, well done!

thanks very much Charmane Wedderburn :-)

Hi Bobby G thanks you for your assessment. can I also have a comment from you, a short note..

"A fearless deaf-mute gymnast pushes the limits of human ability with a gravity-defying routine, proving that true strength isn’t measured by sound but by sheer determination and self-belief."

This keeps it compelling while subtly emphasizing her resilience and the unique challenges she overcomes.

I would suggest enhancing what is at stake for the protagonist in your logline: why performing this move/feat matters so much, to really sell the underlying drama

hi Charmane Wedderburn Maurice Vaughan Nate Rymer Kat Spencer Bobby G Tasha Lewis thanks again for your comments.After reading what you wrote, I decided to split the project into two business proposals for car manufacturers. A script for a commercial and one for a feature film. I will publish the script for the commercial soon with the corrections you have indicated and, in due time, the script for the feature film. Both projects are based on a gymnastic exercise inspired by the bullfights of ancient Greece.

You're welcome, Emanuele Vergari. I like that idea! Hope a car manufacturer or movie company buys the project!

Awesome Emanuele Vergari !! :D

hi Bobby G I have copied and pasted the logline you suggested! if i sell the project then we need to talk.... :-)

hi Michael Dzurak thank you for evaluating the logline. if you are available, can you leave me a comment on the project?

Sure, Emanuele Vergari. I would say that "fearless" and "pushes limits of human ability" are redunant, the first one can be dropped. There's also no stakes in the logline so it feels unfinished.

I would cut the whole advrrsiaement thing, it dehumanises a very powerful, and emotiona growth basic concept.I do not agree on there not being stakes; in this case they are hidden - proving to the world that being disabled can be beaten by training, commitment, and pure mental strength - but failing would mean self doubt hitting hard, becomming a shadow of how most people will automatically see you.