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THE ADVENTURES OF TEK DANGER AND LARRY APPLEBAUM, (DISCOUNT) MERCENARIES FOR HIRE

THE ADVENTURES OF TEK DANGER AND LARRY APPLEBAUM, (DISCOUNT) MERCENARIES FOR HIRE
By Rich Hynes

GENRE: Sci-fi, Comedy
LOGLINE:

A pair of inexperienced, wannabe mercenaries are hired by a dodgy religious organization to retrieve a precious relic that was stolen from them by the most bloodthirsty gang of women in the Universe.

SYNOPSIS:

Tek and Larry are, technically, mercenaries. They're the go-to guys for people with a problem and severe budgetary constraints. They don't have much experience and they're not that bright. (Seriously, most of their plans are variations on "let's hit it with a rock".) Which is why they're broke and getting thrown out of their favorite bar for not paying their relatively modest tab. This is where they meet the brothers of The Order of the Immaculate Universe.

The brothers' temple was attacked and their most precious relic, The Brilliance, was stolen by the Sisters of Agrona, the most bloodthirsty gang in the universe. They're seeking the best mercenaries money can buy to retrieve it for them. Unfortunately, due to their extremely limited budget, they ended up with Tek and Larry. After hearing that The Brilliance was stolen by "a bunch of girls" Tek and Larry agree to take the job and a bargain is struck. An incredible bargain. Cheap at twice the price. So, accompanied by the naive Brother Caradoc, they set out to face the most dangerous gang in known space with one gun and not a lick of sense between them.

First, they need to steal a ship. Which, of course, they fail miserably at. Luckily they convince Brother Caradoc that their failure was actually his fault, forcing him to foot the bill for a rental (and their bail). Next, they need to find the Sister's hideout: Space Station Pink Havoc. To do so they must defeat the one being in the universe who knows where it is. The stakes: their lives. Or more accurately: their heads. For once they catch a break. The contest is the one thing they're actually good at: Ultimate Intergalactic Beer Pong. In a stunning display of barroom athletics they defeat their opponent, obtain the coordinates and ultimately imperil their lives even further.

Arriving at the station, Tek and Larry confront the Sisters — led by Emera’Zo, their deadly Battle Queen — with the courage and bravado only the truly clueless can muster. It goes exactly as you would expect. They barely manage to escape with their lives and end up stranded on a barren rock drifting through space. Somehow our heroes manage to repair their ship and launch a follow up attack utilizing their ultimate fallback plan: hitting them with said rock. To everyone's surprise, it works. They severely cripple the station and slip aboard unnoticed to search for The Brilliance. Well, unnoticed by everyone except Emera’Zo, who vows to end their existence personally.

By some miracle, Tek and Larry defeat Emera'Zo, retrieve The Brilliance and head back to their ship with victory in their grasp. Which is exactly when they manage to fuck it all up. They get into a stupid fight, lose The Brilliance and pretty much guarantee their certain death.

JJ Hillard

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John Theroux

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Craig Parsons

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Rich Hynes

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Nathaniel Baker

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