THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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SAVING EMMA
By Gene Cartwright
A precocious 7-year-old heroine with uncanny powers, her mysterious terrier and unearthly forces defend her family from her father’s ruthless enemies determined to destroy them.
SYNOPSIS:
A Family/Kid Fantasy Adventure Thriller
Synopsis, character profiles, multi-edit 119p, screenplay available upon request and on Coverfly. WeScreenplay coverage was acknowledged by them to have been poorly done and script not read.
SAVING EMMA
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Thanks, Eric.
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Why is the race of the parents important?? What is a mysterious terrier? Why is her fathers enemies attacking her when her father is dead? And its too long! I would spend time getting this logline focused like a laser! It will have a huge impact on your script and your pitch. I just went through this recently for a script I have been working on. Before I started another rewrite, I want back and revisited my logline. I spent over a week just going over and over it until it finally clicked. The new and improved logline had a HUGE impact on my rewrite. So, I'm saying all this to say - your logline is super important and you need to spend as much time on it as needed in order to get it right. You might have to rewrite your script when you get done but it will be worth it!!
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Way too many unnecessary words and very confusing plotline - tighten it up by re-writing it and taking words out like Nino Abate suggested
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Hey Gene Cartwright , this looks like an exciting story. I wonder if your logline could pack more punch with a bit more info. Something like this?:
A precocious 7-year-old with (paranormal? telekinetic? divine?) powers, and her feisty terrier defend a (lawyer? judge? police officer?) father when a dead (client? lifer? criminal?) comes back as a ghost to wreak vengeance.