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KAYFABE
By Kristal Fleming
"Layla Hitchen blows her famous twin sister Marie’s life apart by publishing her sister's diaries. Marie finds herself being pulled back into the world of wrestling. She had made it as a professional dancer and now she must return to the world of wrestling to protect those she cares most about. Her estranged husband Harold is out to destroy her entire family and she is the only one that can stop him."
SYNOPSIS:
Layla and Marie are twin sisters who fight to become famous dancers, making it
big both in front of the camera and behind it. Layla as a producer and Marie
as a star. The drive of each of the twins will be their undoing when Layla
publishes a book that reveals all of Marie’s secrets.
Marie flees back to where they spent their teenage years after their mother
passed away. There she tries to heal from the betrayal of Layla but works
with her dance partner and current lover when her brother in law will shows up.
He comes with a message from her husband saying he wants her to come
home.
Her ex-boyfriend Craig returns to convince her to run away with him.
Layla is about to get herself into trouble that her half-sister Amber will not be
able to get her out of without her sister Marie’s help. Layla has fallen head over
heels in the men who finally notice her. She has attracted the attention of
Marie’s estranged husband is a man who wants vengeance for the
trespasses of their father along with Layla’s exposure to him.
Charlie, Ambers, Layla’s and Marie’s father must face the past in order to
mend his relationships with his daughters before it's too late.
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Rated this logline
@Tasha Lewis, what was it that you liked about "Kayfabe"?
@Nate Rymer, what was it that made you put three stars?
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Hi Kristal,
I'm starting to see a trend here with your log lines. You have an interesting premise, however the continuity is all over the place. This is not meant to discourage you, but rather to encourage you to tighten up your ideas. I'm not sure if you're a twin, a former pro-wrestler, or just someone who is extremely intrigued by these subject matters? Either way, I'd love to see you tie your log line and synopsis better.
As a fan of Pro-wrestling, I'm familiar with the term Kayfabe. However, apart from mentioning wrestling in your log line I don't see it anywhere in the synopsis, which again is a bit disheveled.
If I were to re-write your log line, it might look something like this...but please come up with one of your own that better addresses your intention with the story.
Kayfabe:
Twin sisters go head to head in a battle royal, after one of them writes a tell all book revealing the private world of wrestlers on the road and a secret code of life known as Kayfabe.
The big takeaway here is that I want to care about your characters, this story, and the world that they are living in. But there's way too much going on to get a clear picture of where this is going. Trim the fat and get to the meat of your story engine here, and have that connective tissue reflected in both your log line and synopsis.
If I were borrowing from WWE this would be similar to the Bella Twins and the implosion of their careers after one twin marries John Cena, and the marriage fails. So if John Cena is the model for the husband Harold (for example), why does he want to destroy the family?
Why is the sister writing a tell all and publishing the diaries? Was there a prior betrayal? There's so many questions and not enough clarity. It's been a year since you've posted this so hopefully you can attack this with a clear head and some new tricks you've gained as a writer.
As always, I hope this helps. Its great when we encourage our peers on this platform but sometimes I've noticed a lack of critical feedback here that serves as detriment to the development of new writers and creatives. Don't be discouraged and keep working on your craft.