THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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TEST ZONE
By Kristal Fleming
"The worst nightmare imaginable came true for Carly. When her Illinois town became a Government experiment. Everyone's dying and there's nowhere to go. Carly and the doctor is all they have left."
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@Tasha Lewis, what was it that made you put three stars on "Test Zone"?
@Nate Rymer, what was it that made you put three stars?
Rated this logline
This one is pretty good. Much tighter and more concise. You have a clear theme, protagonist, antagonist and problem/conflict, what's missing is the goal. Also you need to clear up your tenses. Everything is in the past tense and it should be in the present.
Ex.
Carly's worst imaginable nightmare comes true when her small Illinois town becomes ground zero for a secret government experiment. As bodies in the morgue pile up from a mysterious plague, Carly becomes the towns last best hope for survival.
That being said, this is a movie or show It'd be intrigued to learn more about.
Good luck with the re-write!