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"Suzie a high school teenager ends up being heartbroken, orphaned and feels alone except for her best Katarina. The best friends are trying to have a better year, Suzie is being everything for her baby brother and her grandmother. Two brothers come to town, one a vampire, the other a shapeshifter and new witch Katarina along with Fallen Angel Suzie are pulled into the ride of their lives, new loves, new beginnings, new chances and self-discovery for all.."
SYNOPSIS:
Suzie is about to come of age, she is in high school suffering from the loss of her
parents and her boyfriend. Her best friend and her are trying to muddle through when
their world turns upside down with the arrival of two brothers Lance and Taylor Day.
Katarina will be forced to examine her heritage and who she really is as she dances
with Lance in a deadly game designed to set him free from a curse that could cost
her the last of her blood relatives.
Ivan is part of a pack that is making him miserable. He has never gotten over losing
Suzie. His first and true love. His father will face extremely deadly circumstances and a
pack will look at him very closely to see how he will handle this threat to those who he
calls family.
Taylor wanted a life that was simple. He came back to Redding for love and soon
found himself squarely in a fight with his brother. His heart falling for a girl who is
beyond his wildest dreams yet he must decide how much he will do or risk to get her
back when she is snatched from him by a man he use to look up to and respect.
Lance is a cursed Selkie who no matter what he tries can’t escape the power of the
ocean or the hunt of witches. Being back in Redding he thinks is his last chance to set
himself and his siblings free after they are scattered to the far corners of the earth. He
will dance with a dangerous witches family, fight for his brother, fall for a girl and be
forced to find his human self.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
@Tasha Lewis, what was it that made you put two stars?
@Nate Rymer, what was it that made you put three stars?
Rated this logline
This logline has some promise but needs work. Based on the other log lines you've posted, a recurring theme is they are too long. They're almost a mini synopsis. Here's what I'd trim...try and rework it to better reflect your story's theme but here it is.
The Orchid Guild:
After Suzie loses her parents in a tragic accident, the heartbroken teen is unwittingly lured into the adventure of a lifetime when two supernatural siblings arrive in town to hunt a fallen Angel.
Now this is still a little long, but would be acceptable for a TV/Series logline. For a film log line you'd want to get it under 30 words. Then all that other stuff you had in the original logline you would redirect to your synopsis. Again, what I've written here is not meant to reflect your story just serve as an example for how you can tweak your logline. Hope it helps.
I look forward to reading your revised log line and giving you a new rating!