An irresponsible urban 20-something is turned into a vampire on a one-night stand and must break the news to her suburban family over Christmas.

SYNOPSIS:

A Christmas Survival Guide for the Modern Vampire by Craig Berger (TheCraigBerger@gmail.com)

Vicki Harding is a 20-something living in Manhattan who consistently comes up with excuse after excuse to cover up being late for work, missing family obligations, and other irresponsible and insensitive behavior. Her best friend Brenda sees something in her, though, and is a reluctant accomplice. Vicki is just as inattentive to Brenda as anyone else, however, and makes an excuse to blow her off to go to a club when she is supposed to be helping Brenda move a mattress.

At that club, Vicki meets a charming stranger, a tall dark Romanian named Stefan. The two hit it off, and though Vicki tells her friends she is going home alone, she in fact, brings Stefan with her. The two end the night in bed together. When Vicki wakes up, she is alarmed to discover that she no longer has a reflection, is fatally sensitive to sunlight, and is sporting fangs. She quickly realizes that she has been bitten by a vampire.

To make matters worse, Brenda has agreed to go with Vicki to her family’s place for Christmas in order to offer moral support, and she is on the way. Vicki puts her off a few hours, hoping she can use her skills at deceit to hide the problem, but when Vicki comes downstairs with a less than perfect makeup job due to the lack of a mirror reflection (“Bozo the Whore”), Brenda suspects something is amiss, although she doesn’t know quite what. While fixing Brenda’s makeup, the two are visited by Niles Gunderson, who looks like an African safari adventurer and claims to be looking for Stefan.

They get rid of Gunderson and head to New Jersey, where they are greeted in the front yard by Vicki’s father’s new pig farm (“A dozen on sale at Costco, and they threw in free feed for a month!”). Although she is late as usual, Vicki’s parents, sister Nicole, her sister’s husband Richard, and their three kids, David (18), Sandy (14) and Britney (8), greet her warmly.

Although getting through Christmas isn’t easy (Vicki finds Christmas dinner inedible but is caught later that evening by David eating a live pig from the front yard; she burns her hands on the religious themed Christmas ornaments; she must claim a hangover to avoid coming down into the sunlight on Christmas morning) Vicki is managing, until Stefan shows up at the front door.

The family is thrilled that Vicki has a new friend, while Vicki is less than thrilled that Stefan has returned. Stefan convinces Vicki that he truly loves her, and things are going better until a huge fight erupts between David and his parents over David’s interest in art school, and David runs out of the house, into a raging snow storm. The men of the family rush after him, but Stefan insists Vicki stay lest she be tempted to use her supernatural powers to help and be discovered.

David’s car loses control on the snowy road and flips over a railing, leaving him trapped. Stefan and the others are racing to the rescue, but are stopped by Gunderson, a self-proclaimed vampire hunter, who shoots out their tire and demands Stefan be turned over to him.

Meanwhile, during an argument with Brenda, Vicki finally realizes that it is her lies that have caused all of these problems, and goes out to help. Brenda, realizing that her problem is failing to be assertive, follows along. They find Gunderson ready to strand Vicki’s father and take Stefan away. Brenda gives Gunderson a stern talking to and convinces him that he’s taken the wrong career path. He agrees to help the group rescue David. When they arrive on the crash scene, Vicki uses her powers to rescue David, revealing her true nature to everyone.

At the hospital, all is forgiven. The family will accept Vicki’s new situation as long as there are no more lies. The situation with the family resolved, Vicki and Stefan drive off together into the moonlight.