Hey Shari, it seems like an interesting idea for a story, though not quite sure how the ball player is “near-defeated”. Did he almost lose a game? Did he get cut from the team? And I am unclear as to whether and what the ball player did to risk losing the farm, etc. OR was his career put at risk when Gen. Trujillo imported those players? An ideal length for a logline is about 30 words. Yours is 37. This can begin to be cut down by cutting out repeated words like from “the best of the best” to simply “the best.” It will be clear enough what you mean. Also, you only need to refer to the Dominican Republic once in the logline. Having said all that, I have great interest in early baseball, and especially the Negro Leaguers. I think it holds great possibilities to not just entertain, but teach the youngsters how baseball was before the $100 million contracts. (I recently posted a couple of shorts on my page about some of the Negro Leaguers if you’d like to check them out.) Since it looks like you don’t have the script for this yet, it might be better to go ahead and write the, then go back and work on the logline describing the essence of the conflict once it’s finished. Even though the background history of this is what caught my eye, it is of less importance in a logline. A better place to describe it would be in the synopsis. I would be very interested to read any script that comes out of this! Please, keep me informed! Best wishes!

Hi Richard! Thx so much for visiting my profile & checking out my loglines. Your thoughts are much appreciated! My response is kind of funny, but also long and complicated, so I'll message you privately.

Shari: Sounds like a good story. I covered a little small piece of the DR baseball season with Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson and Papa Bell in my script the Negro League. What made you decide to write this one?