Mario: In general, your script is well written. However, some of the narrative and dialogue sounds stiff. Lines like "Luke lies on the floor and sharply wakes up" and Susan abandons the room with firm steps" should be reworked. I see you're from Lima, so obviously, English is your secondary language. A little bit of work on sharpening narrative and dialogue will improve your creative story idea.

Thanks for the feedback Philip! Of course it´s a double challenge for me having english as a second language, but I will do my best to improve the writing.

Improve your English or write the script in Spanish, but if you're gonna write it in English, write it in Spanish first (and then you'll see your grammar mistakes clearly when you compare the two). Proofread! Too many spelling and grammar mistakes. Look at each scene critically for correct context and reasonable content, especially to eliminate repeating dialogue and action, for instance you don't have to keep repeating that it's a white room, the reader already knows that because you state it in the slug. Learn modern screenplay format because your formatting in not current, delete (continued) on all pages, for instance, that really for a shooting script, and you're not at that stage yet: (purchase and read The Hollywood Standard by Christopher Riley). I liked the screenplay, but it would be better if you clearly state what kind of experiment he's participating in with the CIA; leaving that out doesn't add mystery, it only makes the script senseless and confusing to the reader; make the reason meaningful and reasonable, something that would justify his leaving his family. This is definitely a shootable story with a do low budget, so clean it up and make it happen...

Hi Mariano, I think the story and structure are good. I liked the ending. One thing I would say is that I think there needs to be more of a reason for Luke to agree to the experiment. In that one page flashback we need to see how they really need the money. Also, I think maybe in the beginning his wife should be discouraging him from finding out the truth. Assuming she knows the truth and they are much better off financially because of the experiment, it would make more sense that she doesn't want him to know as she wants them to move on. In fact, the story might work better overall if in the flashback she convinces him to do it. That way you could hint that she knows the truth and have a neat red herring at the beginning where the audience will think she is responsible. Hope that helps. Cheers, Chris