Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
In order to convince her daughter to remain a virgin, a mother tells her the tale of how she lost her own.
SYNOPSIS:
A cross between "Mean Girls" "Mystic Pizza" and "Fried Green Tomatoes", "Sister Christian" is a roller-coaster tale of friendship, family, betrayal and deep, dark secrets. When Loretta's family forgets her 40th birthday, she decides to spend it alone, eating burgers and "binge watching". But when she catches Angie, her 16 year old daughter, sneaking into a motel with a boy, she panics, breaking up the tryst before it begins. Humiliated, Angie heads home, determined never to speak to her mother again. That is, until she realizes she's forgotten her birthday. Mother and daughter make peace over burgers and fries,but when Loretta discovers her daughter is determined to lose her virginity, she decides to tell her about her own "first time". Told in a series of flashback sequences, Loretta's story is a poignant reminder of how truly difficult it is to be young in a world that wants you to grow up fast.
Any comments/thoughts on this log line and my one paragraph synopsis would be greatly appreciated, especially from female members of Stage 32! Thanks!!
A logline presents a conflict, a meaningful challenge -- and a tiff over virginity seem rather lightweight. Raise the stakes, please. I read the synopsis: low stakes / easy solutions. Dig in much deeper, please.
Thanks, Linda Ann!
What do you think about my updated log line? You said "raise the stakes". Do you have any suggestions on how to do so? Thanks so much for taking the time to look!!! --Jaime
Thanks, Chris!
Hey Jamie, I feel you will totaly sell this. Curious, did you cll Zero Gravity or did you pitch on Stage 32 Happy Writers. Awesome! Just finished 3 hours of writing. 3 more tonight.
i pitched Zero Gravity on VPF. Thanks!