Hi, I'm new here. I read the sample of your script. I enjoyed the basic premise, yet it seems like a slow opening. There needs to be either more depth to their bond or another element. Maybe a pet. Something to draw us in faster. I can picture the opening scene and it just doesn't have enough weight for a mainstream audience, if this is to be a longer work. Other than that, I liked the tone. Try to avoid too much cliche, even in the horror genre.

Thanks for taking the time to read my writing sample Sean and it's awesome to hear you enjoyed the premise and tone. I appreciate the constructive feedback too mate; it's worth its weight in gold to the developing screenwriter. The writing sample is part of a short screenplay I wrote (just over half of it actually - 9 pages in total) so it's not really a longer work. I have been advised against cliches in reviews I've had in the past and it's always something I struggle with spotting until someone points it out. If you don't mind me asking, which points did you find to be cliche?