A lonely, middle-aged security guard unwittingly starts a prostitution ring at a posh, Puerto Rican resort. Accompanied by his young, good looking assistant, Alex, the pitfalls of their new enterprise are surprisingly revealed as they must elude a prudish hotel manager and a deadly, yoga-loving pimp.

SYNOPSIS:

LUCAS is a middle-aged security guard at a resort in Puerto Rico. His partner, ALEX, is very good looking and spends his time in the rooms of beautiful tourists when he’s not skate boarding in the halls. Lucas lives alone in a small apartment with his dog, Emilio. Every day at the resort, he sees middle-aged men being seduced by beautiful women. He envies them and thinks that the only difference between those guys and himself is money.

One morning, Lucas stumbles into a resort ballroom and sees a motivational speech by MILLIONAIRE ROBERT ZINFLAIR. Robert says that there are “Five Rules For Wealth and Happiness, Bitches.” This inspires Lucas to attain wealth and happiness.

A day later, Lucas is confronting a prostitute, OLIVIA, who is working out of a room in the resort. He tells her to go. She recognizes him from the Robert Zinflair event and reminds him of the third rule for wealth and happiness, “Do something you love, bitch.” After putting a couple hundred dollars in his pocket to look the other way, Olivia and Lucas reach an agreement.

The only problem with that is BRAD, the prudish resort manager. To avoid Brad, Alex escorts the Johns to Olivia’s room while Lucas keeps a lookout on video surveillance. At the end of the first day, Lucas ends up with a lot of cash.

The next morning, Lucas goes to his favorite diner owned by SOPHIA, who cooks, and her pretty waitress daughter, VICTORIA. He says he is going to gain wealth and happiness. Victoria tells him that the universe rewards those who do an honest day’s work.

Olivia talks Lucas into allowing some of her girlfriends to work out of the resort. The girls are all RAMONE’s prostitutes, who is an eccentric yoga instructor and the most powerful pimp on the island. He is furious that many of his prostitutes are no longer at his yoga sessions.

Lucas throws a huge party on a yacht at the marina and invites all the prostitutes, and Victoria. He is very close to having happiness. Victoria shows up and asks Lucas how he can afford such an extravagant party. She reminds him that the universe rewards those who do an honest day’s work and leaves. Before he can go after Victoria, Lucas is seduced by a woman who looks like young Cindy Crawford who takes him to the master bedroom. Ramone shows up, furious, and drags his prostitutes off the boat with the help of his henchmen, the Twiggers, and leaves.

Alex jumps on his skateboard and chases them back to the yoga studio. He tries to free one of the prostitutes but gets knocked unconscious and tied up.

The next morning, Lucas wakes up with Young Cindy Crawford, but he’s not happy. He’s told that Alex is being held hostage so he goes to the yoga studio with Alex’s baseball buddies, and they free Alex. On his way home, Lucas sees Millionaire Robert Zinflair coming out of a small apartment and getting into an old Honda, all by himself. Lucas realizes that happiness has always been in front of him. He runs to Victoria’s house.

Lucas tells Victoria that happiness doesn’t come from the universe or wealth, it comes from your friends and those who love you the way you are. He tells her he loves her. They kiss.