Could do with more concrete details regarding the actual story. It's currently all too ambiguous and so runs the risk of not informing the reader what it's all about. Consequently, how is the reader to get hooked by this? I'm sure the story is a powerful one, but the logline needs to give us more.

The girl is the main character - got it. But what is her destiny? What does she want? And what or who is standing in her way? What's the conflict? And what's at stake if she fails to achieve her goal? And some sense of place would help too.

Hope the above is clear, Michelle. Do let me know if you want to talk further about this.

Hello Phil Clarke . . . how about this? During a late-night excursion, a teen’s confronted by a man connected to her mother’s death and finds formidable secrets hidden under the dark waters of Chase Pond: man’s quest for longevity, budding love, and whispers of war.