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THE HOUSE OF FLESH AND BONES
By Mike W. Rogers
When a Marine unit burn down a shack built from human bones, one by one they die horrific deaths and must decide to rebuild the shack with the fallen or try to make it out of the jungle alive.
SYNOPSIS:
Inspired by a true story, now more of a legend, of a platoon of Marines in Vietnam who came across a farm. They believed it to be a Vietcong outpost and were ordered to burn it to the ground. They did, only to find that it was the farm of a little old woman who angrily told them to rebuild her house.
They ignored her and moved on. Each day, a soldier in the platoon died of natural causes. Until the third day, when they returned and spent two weeks rebuilding her farm.
Recently, photos were released of these men rebuilding this farm. The entire structure was built from bones and pulled human skins. Of the eight men in the platoon, only two men are depicted in the photos. The men looked as is they had spent a year in a labor camp. It is unsure if the men perished at the site. There was no information regarding the composite of the bones and skin used to build the structure. It is unknown if the shack still stands today.
THE HOUSE OF FLESH AND BONES
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1 person likes this
Not quite getting where the conflict, where the antagonism in the story is coming from. Give us more on this score. What or who are the Marines going to have to go up against? Cannibals? Predator-like hunters? Themselves?
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where's the conflict/obstacles?
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Looking at your synopsis --
what you have right now is:
When a platoon burns down an old Viatnamese woman's (desolate) shack built from human bones, she forces the man to completely rebuild her shelter, even if it takes the bones of comrades who die on the job.
"They ignored her and moved on. Each day, a soldier in the platoon died of natural causes. Until the third day, when they returned and spent two weeks rebuilding her farm." being part of a short (enough) logline is (at least for me) too complicated.
The main problem in this story is that there seems to be no FIGHTING BACK. Your protaginist(s) must be ACTIVE. At least try to take controle. Right now -- looking at your synopsis -- these badass Marines are nothing more than an obying (zombie like) work force.
An other try (in bad English):
When a Marines platoon leader burns down an old Vietnamese woman's shack made from human bones, the men must kill her before (they) all become working material in the shack's rebuild.
There are some points to reflect on:
1. We do not know what motivates the Marines to end up at the shack. Coincidence? Could be.
2. What makes the platoon leader 'tick'. Is he battle weary? How does he put aside his own demons so he and his men can grow, form a team, in an almighty effort to defeat the wicked witch (demon)?
3. Make "weeks" -- hours (even if it goes against the true story), or at least make --time that gows by-- feel like hours. Think "The bunker"(2001).
4. Can I really say she is 'wicked', or is it payback time for all the innocent North Korean civilians who were killed in their houses during the Vietnam war. Houses that were burned to the ground afterwards?
In other words: IS there a clear protagonist--antagonist relationship in your story? Your underlaying theme could be (I'm not saying 'should' be) that there is not.
5. Do you (really) want to make this political in an already politically split up USA (and world)?
6. I miss the "in the nick of time" element that gives the story more suspense.
7. Not sure looking at my last attempt at a logline you can say there are obstacles, but there is conflict.
8. Not needed as part of the logline, but how many man are there to start with? This info. could be part of the synopsis. The Marines are killed -one by one- untill there are only two men standing, The platoon leader and...
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Platoon (Troop) 2 or more Squads 16 to 50
I always feel like an ingrate when I miss these comments. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I adjusted the log line but not sure it is there yet. I know I did not address all of Rutger's points and am honestly still working through them, they are most helpful.
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