I think you have an interesting premise and it's a good hook for three pages. My amateur recommendations: Just a tad more delineation between Todd and Lou dialogue wise. Their conversation appears to start out of the blue vs. there being an inciting event (the radio gets staticky, the power flickers causing their computers to restart/lose data, he goes to take a drink of coffee and knocks it over, ie. something to cause Lou to start his diatribe. OR have us be entering the scene mid-conversation. Like they've been talking and we enter mid convo. Usually though that would be an establishing shot of outside with a V.O. of the convo leading us to inside. In other words, open the scene with some movement/action vs. it being a static scene until the cube crashes. I did wonder what happened to the green light/vapor after we find out it's a cube outside. It says it's emitting green vapor, but does it stop or does Todd take it, while eeking green vapor, inside the building, and it's still eeking vapor in the next scene inside? Just wondering on that part.

I'd change a few items to make them more "active" but that's just me.

examples: "The cube is now placed on Todd's desk. " I would change to either "The cube sits on Todd's desk" or "Todd places the cube on his desk." depending on whether your visual is on the cube already sitting there or if you are intending to show Todd placing the cube there.

"A portable heater is blowing warm air onto it." I would change to "A portable heater blows air onto it".

Things like that. Again that's just my own personal preference so you may want to keep it the way it is.

Some other items I was a little bit confused on and had to read twice such as:

"They gaze at the window, a green light, fractured through the

cracked pane begins to pulse, accompanied by a low pitched,

rhythmic hum."

I envision you were going more towards something like this...

"They look at the fractured window through which a green light pulses accompanied by a low pitched rhythmic hum." or "They look at the fractured window through which a green light pulses accompanied by a low pitched RHYTHMIC HUM." or "They look at the now fractured window. Outside/through it a green light pulses in time with a low pitched RHYTHMIC HUM."

Please don't take this as me saying it's bad. It's not. It's a good hook. Makes me want to read more but I also want to "see" Todd and Lou a bit more clearly/understand their relationship in that intro scene a bit better.

I hope that helps. If not, just remember that I'm an amateur so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

Thanks Chad, high praise. I get what you mean about the action and dialogue but I had to squeeze it into 3 pages as I've submitted it to the 3 page challenge on the Scriptnotes Podcast. The scene was originally 4 pages but I was forced to chop it down.

Good luck Vic. I listen to that podcast religiously and hope to see your three pages on it!