Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
Dreaming in becoming the best gamer ever, a young man joins the biggest VR game, Nirvana, as an illegal player, to win the regional prize and take care of his mom. This will led him to create his own team and face dangerous opponents, while having a bugged class and character
Rated this logline
Julio Torres, how will becoming "the best one [player] ever" allow him to take care of his mom? Will he win a big cash prize?
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Maurice Vaughan You are right! I re-worked the logline with your comments. Thank you so much!
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You're welcome, Julio Torres. I think the logline still needs some work.
Here's a logline template that I use. It might help you:
"After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries/attempts to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes)."
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.
Example #1:
"After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families."
Example #2:
"A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help."
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, TV shows (the overall logline for a show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could), and documentaries might not follow this template.