THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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ORBS
By Julio Torres
Decades ago, strange artifacts were discovered in the galaxy, causing a war for their control, including the Energy Orb, the most powerful weapon ever encounter. Years later, a reckless and curious archaeologist finds the mysterious rock, now tied to its DNA. This forces him to escape from his hometown and venture into space, looking to make his own path and discover his true lineage.
ORBS
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Misspelling: 'tyrannic'. Also, 4 is written out, 'four'.
What are the stakes? That the young man finds answers? In the process of finding those answers does he take down those in pursuit and defeat the galaxy's owners and free people from subjugation? What's the story?
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
Great title and concept, Julio Torres. I agree with E Langley. If you address those issues, your logline will be great.
Rated this logline
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Thanks for the feedback! I believe it's a bit better now, I'll still keep polishing it out :D
You're welcome, Julio. Your new logline sounds like a short synopsis.
Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the main character is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the main character doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics and documentaries might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.