SYNOPSIS:

     Perry Florentino is like a lot of kids his age: awkward, hormonal, and socially inept.  However, there is one thing that sets Perry apart; he eats garbage.  Afflicted with a very uncommon disease called "Pica," where the subject craves and ingests non-food items, Perry has been having an especially tough time navigating the rocky social landscape of high school.  He is forced to attend group therapy for his eating disorder with a variety of other deviant teens, with minimal results.        Aside from overcoming his illness, Perry has one true goal in life.  He wants to be with, romantically, probably the most unattainable girl he could find: Amber.  She is a breathtakingly beautiful honors student, who has always shown affection for Perry, further fueling his obsession.  Amber attends the prestigious Leslie Sallow College, and Perry has made it his mission to matriculate there as well - obviously to pursue (stalk) Amber.  The only problem is that Leslie Sallow typically doesn't accept applicants that are on the verge of failing Latin.  Indeed, Latin is...well, it's all Greek to Perry.  Yet Perry is surprisingly clever and comes up with an extra-curricular activity that is sure to boost his resume and sway the admissions people in his favor.  With the help of his lifelong friend, the perpetually sarcastic Scrippy, Perry creates and becomes the first ever mascot of his school:  The Port Chester Porterhouse Steak.  At his debut at a football game, Perry is an instant semi-hit, getting his first taste of popularity.       Things are progressing quite nicely for Perry until he visits Amber at school.  At an a cappella group's house party, Perry sees first hand that Amber has an intense proclivity for the fairer sex.  This sends Perry into a tailspin, and he basically starts devouring the furniture.  With his Latin final exam looming, will Perry be able to woo Amber despite all of the previous obstacles now coupled with her contrary sexual orientation?