THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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TILL DEATH DO US PART
By Simon Hartwell
When the groom is found dead on his wedding night, the Detectives race to unravel the web of deceit, betrayal, jealousy, and infidelity to discover whether he killed himself or was murdered, before the guests leave.
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you do not need names and what is a DI, you should mention what the web is as it can not be a long list of different emotions then it would be different webs, etc. What is the arc, the conflict of the main character, and who is the main character? Why do we care about the main character?
Many thanks for taking the time to read and rate my Logline. I really appreciate it. Amazing Kacee - I made a slight amendment. I kept the name, despite the rule about names as Female Driven features are popular and if Producers are only reading / deciding based on loglines, I want that known.
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Simon Hartwell you are shooting yourself in the foot by putting the name in when all you have to do is put the word HER - here is a link for you to follow - best of luck it https://screencraft.org/blog/the-simple-guide-to-writing-a-logline/
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Amazing Kacee Fingers and toes crossed I'll eventually sell something! lol. Changed. Thanks for the advice.
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Here's a logline suggestion, Simon Hartwell:
“When a groom is found dead on his wedding night, ______ (the number of detectives) detectives try to (or “attempt to,” “race to,” etc.) unravel the web of deceit, betrayal, jealousy, and infidelity surrounding him to figure out whether he killed himself or was murdered.”
Also, your synopsis reads more like a beat sheet. I suggest rewriting the synopsis so it flows like a synopsis.
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Thanks again for taking the time to rate the logline. Maurice Vaughan I had to manage the synopsis to fit a 700 word limit for a published writing gig, hence the truncated feel so it's on the To-Do list to re-write at some point.
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Maurice Vaughan Thanks, I like it!
You're welcome, Simon Hartwell. "I had to manage the synopsis to fit a 700 word limit for a published writing gig." I understand perfectly. I've had to do that. What I like to do is make a short synopsis and a full synopsis for my scripts. That way I can submit the short synopsis to gigs that have a word limit for the synopsis. You can see an example here: https://www.stage32.com/profile/811418/Screenplay/Escape-the-House
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