I like where this is going, Michael. I would say that you don't need the explanation of who Kafka is. Rather, use that line to set up the conflict the entomologist will face - "...only to discover..."
Ok, without reading the screenplay, you're hinting at is "Der Verwantlung". But why? Intrigued!! If I don't forget, I take a look at your screenplay later. Kafka is the man with the long sentences. Hope you 'do' have a lot of white space.
Liked it. Thought about something like this once but never got the guts to work it out. You did!!
The only thing I did not like was the end.
It’s him. REGINALD (28) comforts her with a hug, which quickly turns into a kiss.
REGINALD
Don’t worry, Nicole. I understand.
It must end badly, but In a Kafka kind of way.
I would have put a glas pane inbetween them. She standing on the wrong side. Not able to get out because the only exit is blocked by too many people wanting to get out. They kiss the glas pane. She slides to the ground, and we fade out as we she her face. Happy she got her man back.
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I like where this is going, Michael. I would say that you don't need the explanation of who Kafka is. Rather, use that line to set up the conflict the entomologist will face - "...only to discover..."
1 person likes this
Ok, without reading the screenplay, you're hinting at is "Der Verwantlung". But why? Intrigued!! If I don't forget, I take a look at your screenplay later. Kafka is the man with the long sentences. Hope you 'do' have a lot of white space.
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
Liked it. Thought about something like this once but never got the guts to work it out. You did!!
The only thing I did not like was the end.
It’s him. REGINALD (28) comforts her with a hug, which quickly turns into a kiss.
REGINALD
Don’t worry, Nicole. I understand.
It must end badly, but In a Kafka kind of way.
I would have put a glas pane inbetween them. She standing on the wrong side. Not able to get out because the only exit is blocked by too many people wanting to get out. They kiss the glas pane. She slides to the ground, and we fade out as we she her face. Happy she got her man back.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline