Bound to inherit a six-figure debt from her dying grandmother, an expert assassin must sacrifice what’s left of her moral code to rectify a recently botched assignment, which means turning an innocent man into collateral damage.
Hey Rutger Oosterhoff Thanks for commenting :) So, my intention was to show that because she now has this debt to pay off, she needs to finish a hit that she botched, which entails killing an innocent guy...something that she can't morally justify. The story follows her and she goes back and forth deciding between what to do. Since it wasn't clear (or effective), do you have any suggestions on how I can rework it?
This was another option I had. Do you think its clearer? "An expert assassin who exclusively targets male sexual predators must sacrifice what’s left of her moral code to rectify a recently botched assignment, which means turning an innocent man into collateral damage."
.... What you just explained was what I thought the logline meant. So it is clear for me, if it is clear for others, I can not tell/judge.
"Bound to inherit a six-figure debt from her dying grandmother" is the INCITING INCIDENT that sets things in motion. You need phrase. What (maybe) you do not really need - although it's cool - is the phrase "with a once-flawless record".
My line then would be:
"Bound to inherit a six-figure debt from her dying grandmother, an expert assassin must sacrifice what’s left of her moral code to rectify a recently botched assignment, which means turning an innocent man into collateral damage."
Sounds interesting. But I do not for the full 100% understand the logline. Inheriting a debt forces her to finish an amoral job?
Hey Rutger Oosterhoff Thanks for commenting :) So, my intention was to show that because she now has this debt to pay off, she needs to finish a hit that she botched, which entails killing an innocent guy...something that she can't morally justify. The story follows her and she goes back and forth deciding between what to do. Since it wasn't clear (or effective), do you have any suggestions on how I can rework it?
This was another option I had. Do you think its clearer? "An expert assassin who exclusively targets male sexual predators must sacrifice what’s left of her moral code to rectify a recently botched assignment, which means turning an innocent man into collateral damage."
.... What you just explained was what I thought the logline meant. So it is clear for me, if it is clear for others, I can not tell/judge.
"Bound to inherit a six-figure debt from her dying grandmother" is the INCITING INCIDENT that sets things in motion. You need phrase. What (maybe) you do not really need - although it's cool - is the phrase "with a once-flawless record".
My line then would be:
"Bound to inherit a six-figure debt from her dying grandmother, an expert assassin must sacrifice what’s left of her moral code to rectify a recently botched assignment, which means turning an innocent man into collateral damage."
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
Rutger Oosterhoff Ah, got it. Thanks so much for that. I’m going to take your advice :)