THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL
By David China Woolf
In a family prone to excessive caution, an unexpected approach is taken when the eldest son asks to borrow his father's shotgun.
SYNOPSIS:
The Campbell family enjoys a typical Sunday. Family members are constantly reminded to act carefully.
Emma and Colt, both in their late 30s, are the parents. Grace and Harper, twins, are eight years old. And Jeremiah, who celebrates his 16th birthday on this day.
They walk leisurely on a path in the woods on their way home from church.
As usual, Harper is somewhat rascally. He stumbles and gets dirty. His parents allow him to run home.
As Jeremiah attempt to find out whether his parents purchased the present he longs for, Grace is also permitted to haste home. Jeremiah’s attempt fails. In anger, Jeremiah also rushes home. Emma & Colt continue their stroll leisurely.
Upon arrival home, the family prepares a barbecue, and Jeremiah is required to assist. With his anger mellowed, he helps with the barbecue.
In the garden, the family gathers for a meal. Everyone is required to assist with cleanup after the meal. Jeremiah is asked to get rid of the charcoal and disperse the ashes into one of the tree holes behind the house, and then return the shovel to the warehouse.
Immediately after Jeremiah vanishes behind the house, Colt centralizes the family near the living room window facing the warehouse. The family watches Jeremiah out of the window.
As Jeremiah walks reluctantly into the warehouse with the shovel in his hand, his family watches. Several seconds later, he bursts into loud cheering and exits the warehouse dancing.
The entire family exits to enjoy Jeremiah's birthday present - a motocross motorcycle. After his father warns him to be careful, Jeremiah takes his first ride.
When Jeremiah returned from another off-road ride, he approached his father who works in the warehouse. He reluctantly asks to borrow his shotgun for a hunting trip with friends.
Colt gets very excited and enthusiastically approves of him and… simply asks him to bring a quail for dinner.
YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL
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1 person likes this
Hi David, I think this logline is intriguing. However, the phrase "an unexpected approach is taken" feels a bit confusing. Hinting at what happens in the rest of the story would be more effective. For example, "After the eldest son in a family prone to excessive caution is allowed to borrow his father's shotgun on his 16th birthday..." and then add a phrase about the next part of the story.
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I appreciate your comment, Molly.
However, I think your suggestion misses the point somewhat.
At first, I am interested in establishing the background of a family, and the turn comes only at the end, when the son asks to borrow his father's shotgun.
This stands in stark contrast to the previous family conduct.