Hi Ingrid, there are a lot of interesting ideas here! I think you need to create more of a link between Lucy, the ballroom dancing and the intergalactic mob boss for it to flow better. Those parts of the story get a bit confusing. I would recommend cutting "to avenge the death of his own daughter" so it's clearer that he kidnaps Lucy's sister. I'd also probably cut "with the help of her family" because it sounds a bit confusing. My last piece of advice is that Lucy Savage is the name of the main character of a television mini series that came out last year called "Little Birds," so you may consider changing that.

Thank you for your feedback Molly Peck. I'll think on it. I'm finding the logline the hardest part of this process... trying to distil a complex story into one sentence is not easy!

Sounds like an interesting adventure.