THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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IL REGALO (THE GIFT)
By Oscar Spinelli
A group of unsuspecting friends face an uncertain future
when they are unknowingly thrust into a life-or-death game set up by a
mysterious stranger with secrets of their own and increasing stakes with
every move. Will the group survive and win this twisted game or become
its victims?
SYNOPSIS:
On Christmas, a group of friends gather for gifts and celebration. But
one mysterious, anonymous gift remains-- a box containing a QR code.
Scanning it, they find it's a game of life or death with them as
players. As they progress, they discover the game's terrible stakes, but
have no way of winning or knowing who set them up. Strangers start to
appear, secrets are revealed, and relationships are put to the test.
Will they solve this twisted game or become its victims?
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That's sounds perfect
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There is not enough information to make a conclusion about the project.
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Hi Oscar, the situation and setting can be interesting, I think.
Though, your logline might need some depth.
Do game participants have needs or desires? I think there should be a certain contradiction in it: the participants want to achieve something specific, but what they get is....
Hi thank you all for your feedback, but in response to Arthur and Frank, I guess you guys are talking about the treatment. On the first step with the logline and synopsis, I never go deeper in details
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Hi Oscar Spinelli I wasn't aiming at the treatment, but I thought you could implement a want or need in the logline as well (shortly of course). But I think there are certainly different perspectives on how detailed you could or should set up the logline.
Nevertheless: I think it will be a great story.
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This sounds interesting, Oscar Spinelli, but I agree with Arthur Charpentier and Frank Van Der Meijden.
"On the first step with the logline and synopsis, I never go deeper in details." In my opinion and from experience, loglines and synopses should go into deeper detail. Being vague could cause you to miss opportunities with producers, production companies, readers, etc.
Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.
Hi everyone, I've just updated, could you please give me your feedback? Thank you