Call me Vladimir. I started reading your script and first comment - your formatting is unacceptable. Your descriptions must be no longer than 4 lines, and your dialogs should have a smaller size. I highly recommend you to buy Richard Walter's " Essentials of the screenwriting". He is professor of UCLA department of the SCREENWRITING. His book is the best guidance I ever had. He is genius. He had read a few of my scripts and opened to me the secrets of dramatic storytelling.

Nikita, 14 pages is not a screenplay. 30 - 60 pages for TV and 90 for the film.

Hello, mr. Skomarovsky! Thank you, i apologise for seeing the comment right now. It's not the script - it's a small part of it, the total current length is 131 page. I'll definetely get the book you've mentioned.

Hi Nikita, I read the script. Fist I want to say that I liked this little part of the story. Is very "conventional" but intriguing, also for the setting. Then to really say something interesting about a story you need to read the whole story. I agree with Vladimir, the descriptions ore too long, you need to have maximum 3 lines of descriptions, just separate them if you need to describe more. The page should always be very white for producers to read easily (they read tons of scripts) abìnd there are a few grammar mistakes here and there (for example no s on the thrird person singular of the verbs). Anyways it's nice to read other people's work, and be able to confront! All the best!