Hi, Jo Gomesh. Your story sounds interesting, but I don't see what the main character's goal is, and I'm not sure what "she realizes she needs to save herself from her misery" means.

Hi Maurice Vaughan! Thanks for your comment. I wanted to show that she wants to address her mental health (depression) in a way that sets her free. What if it just ends with "she realizes she needs to save herself"?

You're welcome, Jo Gomesh.

"she realizes she needs to save herself" doesn't really tell us much about the action she takes after her parents fail to recognize their wrongdoings. The logline also doesn't have the stakes.

Your story sounds unique, so this logline template might not work for it, but maybe the template can help you build a stronger logline:

For a logline, you want something like, "After ______ (something happens/the inciting incident), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes)."

Loglines are one or two sentences. You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.

Example #1:

"After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families."

Example #2:

"A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help."

Applying your logline to the template, the logline would look something like, "After an ambitious lawyer battling mental illness confronts her detached parents about their role in her stern upbringing, they fail to recognize their wrongdoings and she _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes)."

Thanks Maurice! I'll work on it!

You're welcome, Jo Gomesh. Have a great writing week! :)