Nate Rymer Val Chernyavskiy B A Mason Thank you so much for the rating! I'm still trying to figure all this out. Attempted to edit earlier and managed to delete the whole thing! Haha! Good times! :-D

This sounds like an interesting story, Sabine Buchanan. I think the logline needs some work though.

For a logline, you want something like: "After ______ (something happens/the inciting incident), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes)."

Loglines are one or two sentences. You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.

Example #1:

"After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families."

Example #2:

"A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help."

Maurice Vaughan thanks so much for the feedback!!!! Much appreciated! :-D

You're welcome, Sabine Buchanan. Glad to help.

The logline is better, Sabine Buchanan, but I think it still needs some work.

What does "When the memory of a traumatic event suddenly changes" mean?

I read the synopsis and saw "Now, with time running out, Olivia must step out of the victimhood mentality pattern, or pass it on to her own children, with all the associated potential side-effects (such as mental/physical disease and abuse, substance abuse, reckless behavior, divorce, and suicidal tendencies)." Those are the stakes. You might want to add them in the logline instead of putting "...the vicious cycle before it’s too late." "...the vicious cycle before it’s too late" is vague. Maybe write something like: "...a suicidal mother engages in a surreal battle of generational victimhood () so her son won't experience the same vicious cycle and its side effects."

"...engages in a surreal battle of generational victimhood" is also vague.

Maurice Vaughan you're awesome - thanks so much for the feedback!! I'm still working on it. I'm totally with you with the vagueness. I'm trying to word it without getting too lengthy. So, still fiddling with it. lol

You're welcome, Sabine Buchanan. Loglines are tricky. I rewrite my loglines A LOT until I think they're ready.