but I've completed a second draft of my feature-length screenplay, The Garden of Eden. Would love to have some comments on the logline and synopsis. Will gladly reciprocate. Thanks!
Screenwriting : It's not much of a success by Andy Mayo
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I beg to disagree. The fact you completed it IS a success. Seriously. Until the screenplay or book or story in whatever format is completed in rough draft, it is not a screenplay, book, or story.
I would love to help if you want really fresh eyes on your draft. I'm a long-time writer but a newbie screenwriter, so I may need to take you up on that reciprocal offer. :)
Hey Andy, this is Karen from the Stage 32 team. I just wanted to let you know I moved your post from Authoring & Playwriting to Screenwriting (since you're requesting feedback on your screenplay), as it fits much better there. Let me know if you have any questions and all the best to you!Also, consider offering a script exchange to better receive notes. Best of luck, and congratulations on completing your latest iteration!
Hi Andy Mayo Congrats on completing your second draft.
In relation to feedback on your logline for Garden of Eden, it's helpful to post here in order to facilitate feedback.
After a long absence, a man returns to his family's estate to discover how his mother died and finds his sister possessed by the demon spirit of their father. His wife is next.
At the moment you have a series of unconnected events.
Why does the protagonist return to the family estate to uncover how and why his mother died? Was it mysterious, violet, an unsolved mystery?
Why is the man's wife next and in danger?
When INCITING INCIDENT happens CHARACTER TYPE Must GOAL Before STAKES occur.
That's a huge accomplishment! Great work Andy.
Sounds awesome, what's the logline?