Hello everyone!
I'm finally at the last stages of polishing my feature drama and having to work on the logline, I'd like to hear your advice.
Right now it sounds like:
After moving in their first house, a young couple - a passionate and devoted boyfriend and a realist, yet thoughtful and caring girlfriend - must confront the struggles of staying together - worry, love, hatred, and.. grief.
My question is - should I exclude the description of the couple (a passionate and devoted boyfriend and a realist, yet thoughtful and caring girlfriend)? I feel like it's not necessary keeping it, but at the same time, the logline would be too dry without it. What do you think?
Thanks to everyone reading and/or answering in advance!
Hi, Lily Stecyuk. I agree. Without the "a passionate and devoted boyfriend and a realist, yet thoughtful and caring girlfriend" part, the logline does sound dry.
How about: "After moving in their first house, a passionate, devoted boyfriend and a realist, yet thoughtful and caring girlfriend must confront the struggles of staying together - worry, love, hatred, and... grief."
Or: "After moving in their first house, a passionate, devoted boyfriend and a realist, yet thoughtful and caring girlfriend must confront the struggles of staying together - worry, love, hatred... and grief."
Those loglines do, however, get rid of the "a young couple."
1 person likes this
Maurice Vaughan thank you, it does sound much, much better!
You're welcome, Lily Stecyuk.
1 person likes this
Hmm, the adjectives feel a little much. Maybe something along these lines:
When a passionate boyfriend and his realist girlfriend move into their first house together, they’re forced to confront the struggles and heartache of staying together even when life gets tough.
1 person likes this
Laree Griffith thank you! I'll keep it in mind!