Screenwriting : First draft trades by Ben Clifford

Same boat, Ben. I am not familiar with a lot of dark comedies but I will give you my best.

I have no idea how to contact either of you directly about this! New to 32. Message me please

Ben: You don't appear to need assistance in your writing as you state you've already had some of your work optioned. Your photo appears that of a young man yet you give your gender as 'female'. I'm an aussie in Sydney.

Sorry Ben, but the photo posted appears too young for your profile. I will remove you from my network. Also the fact that you have described yourself as 'female' when you are clearly male or neuter-gender.

send it here :)

putting my gender as a female was a mistake...also, Patricia, I'm 22, not a child. Your loss. Nice to know the community focusses on the important things. Does anybody actually have anything for me to read?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/6fj3yafh5xix2z0/DuckSoup%20%286%29.pdf?dl=0 This is a link to my draft, as I'm unable to figure out how to message ppl. It's deliberately obscure, abstract, and weird, but feel free to tear it to pieces. It's set in Australia and may not make sense in some ways if you're from a different culture. Please post something of you guys for me to read. Love reading and giving feedback.

First off, who's your intended audience? If it's the US, your first few pages (as far as I got) are certainly “R” if not “X” rated which certainly cuts your potential audience way back - the terminology in the dialog will further limit it's marketability in the US. It will be a hard sell. I can't speak to the Aussie market. I'm just trying to give you some feedback - not judging anything else.

Hey Doug, I appreciate you giving it a go. It's definitely an arthouse piece and I expect a Hard R. I',m writing this as a long-term goal to direct, and I don't expect marketability. But again, thanks for your feedback. Have you seen anything by Solondz or Korine ( the predeccesors to this kind of work)?

Aray, it's Harmony.

Wasn't hard to get the dialect at all- it's such a cool story that I'd hate to limit my audience by being too graphic in the sex dept- although it does come off as "real", and not overly gratuitous. Like it.

Happy New Year, Ben. Happy to discuss your work in more detail or the craft in general. Feel free to message me anytime. Or you can contact me via my site: www.philmscribe.com

Thanks Al. Glad you enjoyed and appreciated. Got something for me to read?

Sure Ben--that would be awesome. hibbro00@gmail-send me an e mail and I'll send you something--thanks.

Hi Ben. This is Beth from the Stage 32 team. I see you are fairly new to Stage 32. Welcome. :) I took a quick look and stopped reading after a third of the first page—sorry, it gave me the immediate impression that it is gratuitous. Right from the beginning there doesn't seem to be direction. Again, my apologies, just my immediate impression. Also if you are looking for scripts to read, perhaps peruse the site. Many members post scripts on their profile pages under "loglines." Feel free to post work on your profile page. If you have any questions about navigating/utilizing the site, perhaps take a look at the Help section found in the upper right corner—the question mark icon. Best to you!

Hi Ben, at a glance, your writing is clear and format is good (as an editor, format errors, typos, etc always jump out at me) and I had no issues with understanding dialect or slang. It is a pretty highly sexed story, which may not play well for the mainstream market, but I can see it an art house piece for sure.

Ben, I'm sorry you've taken offense at my comments, which are merely relaying facts. However, following the comments on this page, my feelings are confirmed. My network is not for you.

The sexual aspect of this story would be easy to ratchet down a bit and still get the message across. I don't know what an 'art house piece' is and I've only read 20 pages so far- but to me, it comes across as a story about a dysfunctional family. And 1/3 of page is a WEAK ATTEMPT!

I went back and read the rest. Very tragic, but optimistic at the same time- you're a good writer, Ben- keep it up!

I peeked at Ben's 1st 10 pages. I dig it. I don't know what I was reading but he can write. I was engaged from the opening sentence. Maybe it's an Aussie "The Whale and the Squid"? Ben, go shoot it and fix whatever problems in post-production. good luck.

To clarify, I said within the first third of the first page it gave me the immediate impression that it is gratuitous and didn't have direction. ...I never said Ben couldn't write; I did glance further ahead. And Dan M seems to agree (somewhat) by saying, "I don't know what I was reading but he can write." Lol! :) ...You know, it's perfectly "okay" to have different opinions. This is a subjective medium, is it not? Healthy debate is always welcome. Plus after reading/reviewing a ton of scripts and developing an eye you can form an immediate opinion/impression by page one. So why belittle someone for taking the time to look at someone else's work? Anyway, Ben, I do wish you the best with your script. Hopefully some of this commentary may be helpful to you. Good luck!

Beth, that was just a little ribbing, not in any way meant to 'belittle'. I don't do that if I can help it. You obviously do good work and give good advice, sorry if I hurt your feelings- didn't mean to at all. And you did take the time to look at it, so, what more could anyone ask?

Hey, Al. No feelings were hurt. Not at all. More like confused? Lol! Any and all feedback is a good thing. Best to you and happy writing. :)

I just breezed through the first 6 pages and wanted to say that I'm loving it so far. Very easy read, funny, creative. I'll let you know more when I finish it. Thank you for sharing this!

I read the first 5. Not sure where the story's headed but from what I've read, this guy can write. Keep at it, Ben.

Ben, you hit it out of the park for me. I've never been so captivated by a script in my life. And that's coming from someone who steers clear of dark stories and indie films. I'm a simple gal; I needs me mah story structure. But this? 10/10 and I'd read absolutely anything you write.