I would say there's nothing connecting those pieces of information you give. It's fine but what does her skill have to do with what comes next in the zombie setting and situations? Also maybe change 'who' to 'who's'.
This can be boiled down to “Girl and friends must stop zombies”. Would you say that is a story or an obvious statement.
Zombies don’t invade as a rule, they are us. We are here. Unless this is a new take. Then explain that.
Try this type of pattern: A girl and her friends must xxxxxx to xxxxxx otherwise xxxxxxx.
A girl and her friends must escape a disco overrun by zombie to get to boats otherwise they will be forced to wait three months for the next rescue party.
Not your story, not even very good. But it has details and lifts it above the statement feel. You can make a logline feel like a statement if the statement is broad and conveys a lot. The one that comes to mind I heard on a podcast “a man clones his wife so he can fall in love with her again”. There is a lot in that statement.
Okay. Do they trigger the Zombie outbreak, or is it there when they arrive? If they travel back to their own time will it be the result of this Zombie outbreak. This is all stuff you can leverage in your logline. More interesting then “girl must kill zombies”.
Just my personal pov which is obviously different than most of you. PLEASE, stop with the damned zombies already!
Do you want me to change it?
1 person likes this
I would say there's nothing connecting those pieces of information you give. It's fine but what does her skill have to do with what comes next in the zombie setting and situations? Also maybe change 'who' to 'who's'.
I changed it.
1 person likes this
This can be boiled down to “Girl and friends must stop zombies”. Would you say that is a story or an obvious statement.
Zombies don’t invade as a rule, they are us. We are here. Unless this is a new take. Then explain that.
Try this type of pattern: A girl and her friends must xxxxxx to xxxxxx otherwise xxxxxxx.
A girl and her friends must escape a disco overrun by zombie to get to boats otherwise they will be forced to wait three months for the next rescue party.
Not your story, not even very good. But it has details and lifts it above the statement feel. You can make a logline feel like a statement if the statement is broad and conveys a lot. The one that comes to mind I heard on a podcast “a man clones his wife so he can fall in love with her again”. There is a lot in that statement.
It's about a girl and her friends travel back to the 70s.
Okay. Do they trigger the Zombie outbreak, or is it there when they arrive? If they travel back to their own time will it be the result of this Zombie outbreak. This is all stuff you can leverage in your logline. More interesting then “girl must kill zombies”.
They travel back.
Travelling back to the 70’s a girl and friends must end a zombie outbreak to preserve the future and their own existence.
Craig D Griffiths and @kyle Little - i would have downloaded the movie on my streaming service just based on your log lines :-)